Happy Birthday Christopher!

Three years. It was three years ago that Christopher was born. It was three years ago that he died. I can hardly believe that it has been three years.

I personally don't believe that Christopher died so that I could learn some lesson. That said, I think have learned some things from his death.

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I've learned that even though I hurt so deeply, and when I thought that there was no way that I could ever get through a day without breaking into gigantic sobs, that I could go on.

I've learned that there are others, many others, who have gone through this type of pregnancy loss. People that I never would have guessed came to me to share their story of pain and sorrow and showed me it was possible to find a "new" normal. A normal, where I would always remember him, but a normal where I could still work and play and still enjoy the good times of life.

I learned that people love me and my family. I have never felt such love and support as I did in the days and months after Christopher died. Often it was just a note or a hug letting me know that they cared. Often people said things like "I wish I knew what to say." And of course, there were no words, really. But their actions spoke so much more than words ever could.

I learned that everybody has bad things happen in their life. Maybe not the same bad things that have happened in my life, but few people get through life unscathed. And so when someone is doing something that I find aggravating, I try to remember that I don't know what has happened to them in their life. It helped me be more empathetic.

And I learned that life is about experience. And if people show me love and I show people love, just because, well, it makes getting through life just a tiny bit easier.

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Happy Birthday Christopher! I will always remember you. I'll always wish that it could have been different and that you could have been here with us. We love you.

Why does this always happen to me??

I had such great plans to be consistent with my Lent posts this year. And then life happened - all the kids got sick, had to take one to the ER, I got sick, and then I had a dental emergency on Saturday, and it isn't even resolved yet!

So what do you think? Should I start the Lent posts back up tomorrow or should I just figure that I'm not meant to do these kinds of posts???

Lent Day 3

Oh, my heart hurts for the people in Japan.

Pray: Praying for comfort, strength, healing, and hope for the people in Japan.

Fast: I'm fasting two meals today and adding to the totals from my two meals to the Give jar.

Give: I will be giving $40 to help the efforts in Japan.

Lent Day 2

Pray: Pray for a spiritual experience during this week. And the strength to recognize it and use it in your life.

Fast: Give up TV for at least today. Consider giving it up for the next 39 days.

Give: Find a container for putting loose change in. Place at least one dollar a day for the next 39 days for giving to a charity of your choice.

Lent Day 1

Pray: Pray for strength to get through just TODAY.

Fast: Today, fast from food as much as you are able. I'm shooting for two meals.

Give: Give your thanks to someone who doesn't usually get a Thank you.

Tomorrow Begins Lent . . .

A couple years ago, I was going to do a series of posts during Lent that focuses on the main activities of Lent - prayer, fasting and giving. ( I was inspired by Elizabeth's , author of Real Learning book, blog. She did this back in 2009 too.) But after a few days of posts, I got very sick, and then we got a terrible computer virus, and it just didn't work out.

So I'm going to try it again.

Anyway, so every day, I'll discuss what I'm going to do in terms of prayer/mediation/etc., fasting/sacrificing and giving for that day.

I'm also going to use this Lenten period as a time to focus on the 7 Areas of Wellness (Remember this post?) For the next 40 days, this is what I'm going to do in each of the Seven Areas of Wellness:

1. Emotional - Write in my journal every day.
2. Environmental - Walk or bike whenever possible for the next 40 days. Including grocery shopping.
3. Intellectual - Read a book each week for the next 6 weeks.
4. Physical - Jog six days a week and eat only whole foods.
5. Social - Sign up for a class through Parks and Rec or the community college of something non-academic that interests me.
6. Spiritual - Learn more about meditation.
7. Vocational - Send a resume, job application or network five days a week for the next 6 weeks to try and find another source of income.

How do I hate money? Oh, let me count the ways . . .

Ugh. I've been struggling to have "enough" money for years. Some years were downright painful - 2004 was one and 2008, well, as I've said before, EVERYTHING was awful about 2008. Including our lack of money.

Things have been better in the last year. I've got a new daycare child and Mr. Simple got a different job. But yet, despite the extra money, we still aren't exactly rolling in it. I'm still frugal because I want to be AND because we have to be.

And despite wanting to be simple and despite trying to eat healthy, I'm just getting worn out from feeling like we can never go out to eat. Or go to a movie. Or get something that I want/need, something that is even less than $50, just on a whim.

We just got our tax return. Great, right? Ugh. I swear, it just makes me more depressed sometimes because it looks great sitting in the account, but then when I sit down and write all the checks for all of the medical and dental bills (and we even had health and dental insurance for the whole family last year!) that we owe, the return gets A LOT smaller. Then, we desperately need to finish the carpet job that we started last year. And I did get the kids a small thing that they wanted, and I got myself some workout clothes. And poof! It is gone.

And the REALLY depressing thing? Even after writing a bunch of checks for medical and dental bills, we STILL won't be able to pay it all off. Hopefully we will finish paying them all off completely in the next six months, but UGH.

I know I'm not alone in all of this. And as I was talking to my mom the other day, I know that in some ways, we are doing really well. We aren't upside-down in our house or anything. If we sold it right now, we would make a profit. We pay cash for everything. We are basically out of debt except for the mortgage. We have a place to live, we have transportation, we have clothes, we have food.

But sometimes, it would be nice to go out and buy something. And not have to worry about it.