Celebrate Life Day

It was around two years ago. I was celebrating my birthday with my two friends and my sister. We went to this fun restaurant for dinner and dessert. I hadn't wanted to do anything for my birthday, but my sister encouraged me to at least do something small. I was turning 42, so it wasn't like it was some momentous birthday, but that really wasn't why I didn't want to celebrate my birthday. It was August 2008, and 2008 had been a very bad year so far. Things were unraveling all around me. It seemed almost anything that could go wrong was. Money was well beyond tight. My sister was sick and was looking at very major surgery in the coming months. My marriage was at an extremely low point. And of course, losing Christopher just a few months before who was due in August. I couldn't think of any reason to celebrate my life.

Early on, when we were at dinner, the conversation turned to all the on-line auctions, donations, fundraising for NieNie's Recovery. I just listened for a few minutes, and then I said "I've never heard of this woman. Who is she?" And they explained that this woman, Stephanie Nielson, had had a blog for a few years now, before the blog craze really took off, and that she often posted about her life with her husband and her children and how she loved her husband and her children so much and how happy she was with her life. And then on August 16, 2008, she was involved in a plane crash with her husband and the pilot. The pilot died, and her husband was burned over 30% of his body, but Stephanie's body was burned over 80% of her body. The blog world, and people beyond, were drawn, compelled to do anything they could to help Stephanie and her husband Christian.

When I got home, I went to Stephanie's website and spent hours reading. I almost couldn't believe that there was someone that happy out there. And somebody who was so content with her life. And somebody that was so willing to let the unimportant things go by so that she could have a moment with one of her children. Somebody who still talked about their husband like a teenage girl with a crush. Or somebody that could always see that even if today was a bad day, tomorrow would be better.

When we were at dinner, we had talked about Stephanie's blog, of course, and we also talked about blogs in general. My sister had been using LiveJournal for awhile, but was thinking about making the switch to a more public blog. My two friends didn't have public blogs yet, but they were thinking about it. They asked me if I had a blog. Well, I did. I had started a blog back in 2006, but it was private, and I couldn't figure out how to get back on it after my first post, so I kind of forgot about it until I found out I was pregnant with Christopher. So I figured out how to get back on my blog, but kept it private, so that I could have some place to talk about my pregnancy with him. And then after we lost him, it became a place where I could talk about my grief and that I could share about him with other people. But I hadn't really considered having just a "regular" blog.

But the more I thought about it, I thought I would try it. I'd recently started trying to live a more simple life and I often had all kinds of thoughts about it rattling around in my head and it might be nice to have someplace to write them down. Maybe I'd talk about my family too. So at the end of August, I came up with a title and did my first couple posts. And I've been blogging for almost two years now. (And on my homeschooling blog too! I don't post much over the summer, but if you've never checked it out, take a look sometime!)

It has helped me to have a place to put all these simple thoughts, and it has increased my interest in all kinds of simply self-sufficient things to the point that now I'm starting to a book. It helped me to have a place to talk about my kids, my life, albeit a very whitewashed version for awhile, but as time has gone on, I've shared more and more about my life and just my journey. And by having some place to share all of this has helped me get to a much better place than I was in 2008. Writing here didn't solve all my problems. Having great friends around me, talking, spending time with my family, and just keeping getting up every morning helped me get to a better place too. And of course, not all of my problems are solved either. But I am at a place where I am grateful. Not grateful for all the bad things that happened in 2008, or for any of the other trials that I've had happen. But I am grateful that I do have my family. That I do have my friends. And I'm grateful that I am alive. That there is a future out there. And opportunities.

And NieNie? I still read her often. And am still amazed by her. I managed to feel pretty sorry for myself back in 2008. And yes, I had trials, and not just minor ones. And my life had never really been a "charmed" life either. But I hadn't spent much time, ever, feeling blessed for the every day like Stephanie had before her accident. And now, two years later, she still feels blessed for the every day. And it didn't take her two years of feeling sorry for herself to get back to that place either.

She said recently on her blog:

"I have 2 years behind me and I hope they see that life is- and can be still so so good.I am so happy to be alive.Life is a treat, a marvelous gift.I will forever dedicate this day- August 16 as a day to celebrate life. I hope you will too."

And I will. Every August 16th, from now on, I will have a Celebrate Life Day. And in addition to that day, every day, I will do a little thing - an extra kiss, a little note, a smile - to celebrate Life.

I wouldn't say I have regrets

about this summer, but I wish we could have done more of some things, and I wish that we had done some things that we haven't and probably won't.

There, of course, was lots of good. The garden is going better than last year, and I've been much more healthy this summer too - much more walking/jogging and eating healthy. And while we did and enjoyed the summer library program, we did much less of the optional activities and a lot more reading.

But we didn't go camping, and we played outside less than I would have liked. But there was more playing together, which I did like. And we did do quite a bit of walking together which was fun. And lots of art. And games. And just free play in the living room.

I didn't get to go on vacation this year, but I have plans to change that for next year. I've already blocked out the dates with my daycare/preschool families for next August, and I'm taking a whole two weeks off. I haven't done that in I don't know how long. And I'm saving up my pennies starting now so that it happens.

I just wish that August could be a little cooler and a little longer. That would make Summer just about perfect.

"Do You Work?"

I think I've mentioned here, once or twice LOL, that I didn't get married until I was almost 29. Which may not seem that old to some people, but in the religion that I was raised in, it was extremely unusual. Especially since I spent 7 years (from the time I was 18 until I was 25) in Utah where there were plenty of eligible bachelors. Apparently, however, none that were a good match for me. I moved to Illinois at 25 and dated some, but still, I knew that I wasn't dating anybody that was any sort of contender.

And then I talked to Mr. Simple for the first time on August 19, 1994 and married him exactly one year later.

But from the time that I was 25 until 28, I was fairly certain that I was not going to get married. And I wasn't going to have kids. So I decided what I was going to do was go to school, get my degree in English, and become a technical writer in a Big City, and I was going to be a woman with a Career.

So I went to school, got a degree in English and became a technical writer in a Big City for a couple years.

And then I decided to come back to school and get a masters degree in English and then work for 5-7 more years, and then go back to school and get a PhD and become an English professor. That would suit me more than 30 year career working in a Big City.

I thought since the undergraduate plan worked out so well, surely my next plan would work.

It didn't. I didn't enjoy the master's program in English and dropped out after a year. And I got married after a year of school too.

But I could still be a technical writer in a Big City. I could still have a Career.

And so I did. I went back to my previous job in the Big City. I worked for a couple more years. I should be happy.

But of course, I wasn't.


We decided to move back to a smaller city, but not too small. And I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I would like to have a baby. I could still work. I might not be able to have that Big City Career but I could have a Regular City Career, even with a baby.


I got pregnant with Flower in December 1998 and I was offered a job as a trainer at a University in another city in March 1999. I had never done training before, but I liked the idea of it. So we moved again. Flower was born in September 1999.

I took 14 weeks off after she was born, but I had to get back to work after that. I had to do some traveling when she was 4 months old. I still remember trying to find someplace to pump without having to tell the entire group what I was doing. But I enjoyed my job (well, not the searching for a place to pump in a Quad Cities hotel, but you know what I mean) and it didn't matter much anyway because we needed the money, so I kept working.

But now, I knew I also enjoyed being a mother, and I wanted to have another baby. After a number of months of trying, I got pregnant again with Jelly Bean. My pregnancy was tough with her. I spent 1/2 of her pregnancy on bedrest - either at home or at the hospital. I worked from home for most of that bedrest. It wasn't too bad. It gave me something to do besides stare at the walls. Jelly Bean was born in December 2001 and I spent another 14 weeks on maternity leave. When I went back, my excitement for working had gone down. A lot. So I started talking to Mr. Simple. We made a 5 year plan for me to stop working. (What??? What about my Career?) So we made the Plan. I'd stop working in 5 years, and I'd stay home until they went to junior high.

And then, just a few mere months after we made the Plan, I found myself in my boss' office saying "I need to go down to part time." I hadn't talked to Mr. Simple about this discussion. I hadn't even known I was going to do it until about 3 minutes before I walked in. My boss said "I will fix things for you. We would rather have you part time than not at all." And he fixed it. I was home in the mornings and worked in the afternoon. I could do this. It was wonderful, mostly. The downside was that I realized how much I really did enjoy being with my then 3 year old and 1 year old and it made me long for spending all my time with them, but the upside was that I was making very good money for part time work.

And then, very suddenly, it was over. In September 2003, I was one of hundreds of part-time university employees that were laid off due to "budget cuts."

So much for The Plan. Or was it? I'd take a couple months and then I'd go back to work. I'd probably have to go back to work full-time instead. So I started teaching preschool to keep myself busy and bring a little money in, and I started looking for a full-time job. I really looked that first year. Nothing. Preschool got bigger, so I took a couple years off. And I had another baby. Then I started looking again. I got some interviews, but no offers.

At the beginning, I was secretly thrilled - I wasn't thrilled about the loss of money, but I was a SAHM now, years ahead of The Plan. I would make the most of this. We would have great times together, and it would be happy all the time, and we would go to all sorts of fun things that only SAHMs got to take their kids too - playgroup, storytime, spray parks, etc.

We did do those things. It was great. At first. And then, my kids weren't as behaved as I thought they would be if I was home all the time. And Preschool, while I enjoyed it most of the time, was still something that took up quite a bit of my time, and it prevented me from doing some of the things that I wanted to do instead. And then, there was the Big Problem, of course. Money.

When I was working, we didn't have tons of extra, but we had extra. Ever since I was laid off, there has been no extra. Some months, especially the year before I started doing daycare, it wasn't like there wasn't any extra, there just wasn't enough. With the stress of teaching, my feeling of inadequacy as a mother, and the money, I figured that it would just be better to get a job.

Yet, every time that I've tried, everything that I've tried, has never worked, in terms of me getting a full-time job. I even got a masters degree in Training. Surely that would help me get a job. It didn't. And things kept happening in my life, mostly other trials, while I was trying to go back to work. So to distract myself, I started reading Laura Ingalls Wilder's cookbook and surprisingly found myself wanting to cook like that instead of opening a box of mac and cheese. I found myself getting excited about yarn and canning jars. And seeds. I hadn't been this excited about anything since I decided I was going to have The Career in the Big City. And I found myself trying to not have those perfect, happy, children, but to be a mother instead that made my children realize that I loved them. A mother that would just do simple, easy things. We would just be together. And when it was best for my children, a mother that would homeschool them. I would make the most of the time that I had with them, and I wouldn't look at my home as just a place where I ended up. I'd enjoy homemaking skills. I'd enjoy my home.

Now, don't get me wrong, all of my problems are not all solved. Money, while better, is still an issue. My children's behavior could still be better. I could be more self-sufficient. I could waste less time on non-important things.

I've been a work outside home woman (I worked full-time as a police dispatcher when I was in my early 20s too) and I've been a work outside home mom. At first I thought that it was great, and then I wanted to be home. And then I was home and at first, I thought it was great, and then I wanted to be back at work.

And other women? I've stopped wishing that I was on the other side of the fence. Either side. Because I've been on both sides. Neither is Great or Horrible.

I'm also trying to appreciate the good and bad of where I am today. Today I'm at home, but doing preschool/daycare. There's good and bad in my situation, and that's o.k. Tomorrow, I may be somewhere else. And there will be good and bad in that situation too, and that's o.k.

I'm learning, finally, that there usually is good and bad in all situations. And that it is o.k.

Busy, Busy

I've finally got motivated to get started on my "book." It will be a book about Simple Self-Sufficiency (shocker, I know) and so I've been reading, and reading and reading and deciding on the format, etc.

I've also been making dried herbs (from my herb garden) - this year, I've got parsley, basil and oregano. I love making my own. I am probably just kidding myself, but I swear the homemade tastes better.

And I canned some bread and butter pickles last night as well as started making tomato pulp in preparation for making tomato sauce. I run the tomatoes through a food strainer as I pick them, put them in freezer bags until the end of the season, then defrost them, boil them down, and can them. Making the sauce is a couple days of hard work, but it keeps most of the other stuff spread out and manageable.

The girls finished up a great season of Swim Team, and Super finishes his last T-Ball game tonight. The Library Program ended last week.

I'm sad that there is only one month of summer left, but August should be much less busy (well, except for all that gardening LOL)

Food Storage Series: Rolled Oats

Oats are an excellent source of protein, vitamins, and minerals such as iron and calcium. Both old-fashioned and quick oats have the same nutritional benefits: no preservatives, artificial ingredients, salt or sugar.

Before oats are hulled, they are dried and toasted. Drying keeps them fresh-tasting longer and toasting gives them a nutty flavor. A few oats get over toasted and darken during the process. Next, the hulls are removed, leaving the oat groat. The groats are left whole for old-fashioned or cut into smaller pieces for quick oats. Instant oatmeal is cut into even smaller pieces and processed so no cooking is needed - just boiling water. The groats are steamed to soften, then rolled or "flaked" into desired thickness. The oats are then cooled and screened for consistent quality.

A flavorful breakfast cereal, they are also a popular addition to cookies, meatloaf, and other foods. Sore at room temperature or below.

Recipes using rolled oats are posted on my recipe blog - My Recipes and Menus.

NOTE: My Recipes and Menus is up to date! I have recipes up for all the things covered so far in the Food Storage Series (Wheat, Whole Wheat Flour, White Flour, Rice, and Rolled Oats.) Come check it out!!!!!! I will also be posting some canning recipes soon (strawberry jam, pickles, spaghetti sauce) as well as my seasonal recipes as I get to them.

Lacto-Fermentation: What is that again?

I'll admit that I didn't really know what this meant until recently. But it is a way of preserving food that was used before modern canning methods came along.

Sally Fallon, author of Nourishing Traditions (a book I don't have but want), feels that we should return to eating more food that is preserved in this way because of the health benefits.

Here is a link to a blog that talks more about Lacto-Fermentation, along with some recipes.

It goes so fast . . .

My oldest, Flower, is 10. She will be 11 in September.

She loves to play with her American Girl dolls. She loves to do art. She loves to make "plays." She loves to play on the playset, ride bikes, swim. She loves to read.

In a lot of ways, she acts "younger" than some of her peers. (Which is just fine with me, by the way.)

But in other ways, I see the "older" her peeking out. She asks big questions about big subjects. She wants to spend less time with the younger kids. She worries about things that little kids don't.

I am trying to look at her growing up as part of life - her life, my life, just life.

But I just don't feel prepared. I remember being 11, 12, 13.

And I also remember when she was a baby. It feels like it was just a couple years ago. It doesn't help that she was the child that I didn't appreciate her babyhood either. For me, I was always looking towards the next milestone instead of savoring them.

And as difficult as it was to deal with nursing problems, potty training problems, playground problems, I just feel more equipped to handle those kind of problems.

And now that those problems are gone, I find myself almost wanting those times back. I don't want to deal with girlfriend problems, boyfriend problems, not wanting to talk to your mother problems.

We were on vacation a couple of weeks ago and she was swimming in the lake with her sister and brother. And I sat there wondering if this summer was going to be the last one like this. The last one that she would just go on vacation and play with her siblings. Next year, it may not be as "cool." And the year after that, she will have church girls camp for a week in June. And just more and more things that will keep her busy as the years go by.

I'm babbling, for sure. There is no little quip that is going to wrap this blog post.

And I've got to go anyway. She has set the table for lunch . . . .