All right, I'm starting to panic a little now . . .

As soon as I get this job, then suddenly, it seems like all the blog posts/Facebook posts, etc. out there are suddenly talking about how wonderful it is to be a stay at home mom.

Not that I've truly been a stay at home mom much over the years.  I mean, I've been home with my children since 2003, officially.  But just me and the kids, and doing grocery shopping and playgroups and all that? Not that often.  In fact, the only time I can think of that it was just the three of us was when I took 3 months off teaching preschool when Super was born (he was born in the fall of 2004.) 

But I've been HOME for the past 9 years.  I've done preschool & daycare or training, but I was here.  I've been able to homeschool.  I've fixed breakfast, lunch and dinner every day.  I've been here to throw a load of wash in or to start the dishwasher during the day.  I've been here when my kids got off the school bus. I've been here if the nurse called and they needed to be picked up. I've been able to wear slippers all day if I wanted to.  Or yoga pants.  When the kids were napping or when we were homeschooling, and the older kids were occupied, I could have time to myself.  I could read, I could sew, I could crochet, I could do all sorts of things here at home.

Of course, it wasn't all roses and sunshine.  It was hard to juggle working from home and uh, anything else.  I often couldn't do any sort of errands during the day, and so it got pushed to evenings or weekends.  I often couldn't do things at the kids' school because I couldn't bring the other children with me.  It was expensive to feed 6, 7, 8, 9 children lunch 5 days a week, not to mention, there was the constant sweeping, straightening, washing that is required when you have a lot of young-ish children in the house.  And sometimes, even when I was just dealing with the house and my own three kids, in the evenings, on the weekends, it wasn't fun.  It was drudgery.  It was boring.  And sometimes, when I didn't know what to do in a situation, sometimes it was hard. I also didn't make that much money.  I told myself that it didn't matter.  I would have been home anyway, and I was making more money than I would have if it was just me and my children.  But it wasn't much.  And although most of the time I enjoyed it, it wasn't what I got my degree in.  It wasn't what I went back to school to get my masters in. 

And my Simple Life.  I'm nervous.  Am I still going to be able to maintain that sort of lifestyle when I'm not here during the day? When I have to squeeze in all the simple life between 5 pm and 8 am? What about all my plans for Simply Living In The City? Will I be able to bring my vision into a reality if I'm working full time?

And what about my kids? Will they be o.k. when I'm a phone call away instead of being able to just answering them when they ask me a question across the table? What will I miss by not being around them during the day this summer? How trashed will my house be at the end of the day now, and how will I instead be grateful that they had a good day and got along instead of being angry at having to pick up the house after a long day of work?

I wonder a little if I'm making the right decision, but yet, I also feel like I had to do it.  We really need the money right now.  And even if we didn't, this job could lead to a job doing writing. Doing training.  Doing things that I have my education in.  Doing things that I enjoy.  And making money so that I can turn some of my dreams for Simply Living In The City into a reality. 

I wish that we had enough money that I could stay home.  I'd still do the cleaning (but I swear I'd hire someone to keep up with the dishes and the laundry! LOL) but I'd work on Simply Living In The City a few hours a day.  That would be perfect.  But maybe it wouldn't.  I think that once you are a mom, very few situations are perfect.  It is really hard, no matter what your life is like, to be able to find that balance between being an involved parent and doing things that fulfill you personally. 

Ok.  I'm just going to have to take some deep breaths and hope for the best.  And let people help me when they offer.  And to let a few things go.  And also be willing to be open to other possibilities. And to realize that what is happening now, probably won't go on forever.  And to try and make the most of my time at home. To make sure that the things that are important to me - my family and living a simple life - are still important, no matter if I'm home all day or not. And to do my best to find that balance.

I am a bad mom . . .

Well, not in a "you better call the department of child services" sort of bad. But here are a few examples:

1. I rarely let my kids go play outside in our yard with anything involving water - the pool, the sprinkler, the slip n slide, the hose, etc. I hate, hate, hate with a passion water play. It isn't the water that bugs me so much. It is the mud that ends up all over my house, and the GRASS that is in every room between the backyard and their rooms. It is the water that gets on the hardwood and the carpet from the backyard to the bathroom as they come in 17 times. Each. In 15 minutes. I'm not super crazy about all the screaming that seems to be involved in water play either.

2. I only let my kids have popsicles at the table. Otherwise, there are sticks and papers in the yard. Because somehow, it is just TOO far to go in and throw them away. (But of course, not too far to troop in and go to the bathroom when they are wet, see #1.) My kids have never had Freezer Pops at my house because I hate having to cut them and then find all the ends and get them into the trash, and then part of the Freezer Pop always lands on the table, or the floor, or whatever. Same thing with Snow Cones. I think my kids have had one once. And it was a free one at a Library thing.

3. I told my girls that they were going to have rats living in their room if they didn't do a better job of cleaning their room. Yea, I told them that there would be RATS.

4. I must have been touched out at some point when I had a newly 5 year old, a 3 year old, and a baby because now when they all want to lean on me or hold my hand or they all want to sit on my lap or something, all I can think is "How long is long enough before I can gently move them off me?" I love them, but I don't want them all laying on me!

5. Jelly Bean, my 9 year old, lost a tooth recently. Then she told me "I have a bump by my tooth." I assumed it was the tooth that she just lost, and I said "That happens sometimes when you lose a tooth and the new one is coming in." We went to the dentist this week, and she has an gum infection! On a totally different area than the lost tooth. That I would have realized if I had actually looked.

6. I think the school called me at least 10 times during the last month of school to tell me that I had a negative food account balance. To be fair, most of this was NOT exactly my fault. I would give the money to Flower (age 11) and tell her to turn it in at the office. Then she would forget, but still get lunch, and so then we would owe even more. Sometimes, this would go on for two or three days. Finally, I just started paying on-line, which I should have done instead of giving to Flower, but I generally had cash on hand, and it was "easier" than paying with my debit card.

7. I have recently started using my girls as my "errand" girls. I give them money and the cell phone, and have them go to the library to return/pick up books. Or to the grocery store to get a few things. Or to the convenience store to get me a soda. :)

8. Super (age 6) seems to be unable to control himself from starting conversations with complete strangers. Most of them start with "Did you know that I am the best swimmer in 6 and under?" I am sure that they didn't know, but I am pretty sure they don't really care. Most of them are still nice about it, but he comes off as if he is totally bragging (which is basically is.) I have talked to him about it and told him that it isn't really appropriate to do, etc. But yet he still does it. Along with talking about his body parts/body functions in inappropriate ways to complete strangers. Or anybody else for that matter.

9. I have forgotten at least 3 birthday parties that my kids were invited to this year. Two of which I RSVP'ed for. And yes, I have an iPhone. That has a calendar/alarm function.

10. My 11 year old recently caught me rolling my eyes when she said that she couldn't find something she was looking for. (She is NOTORIOUS for saying that she looked for something, and then you go down to her room, and it is sitting right in front of the door, or something equally obvious.) She said "I saw you rolling your eyes Mommy! That isn't very nice!" Oops!

In honor of Mother's Day - my story of motherhood

It was September 22nd, 1999 (almost 12 years ago. I know. I. CAN'T. BELIEVE. IT.) It was pregnant with my first baby (after my first miscarriage in February 1998.) I had spent much of her pregnancy being worried, but so far, everything had been fine. I was due on September 20th, and I was miserable. I went in for my last dr. appointment and the dr. agreed to induce me on the 22nd.

So in anticipation of the big event, Mr. Simple and I, my parents, and my sister, her husband, and their 5 month old baby went out for dinner the night before. I actually started going into labor that night, but by the time I left for the hospital at 7 am, the contractions were still far apart. I labored on my own until 9 AM and then they started Pitocin. Immediately, the contractions became VERY close together. They would last at least a minute long and I'd only have a 30 second break. I sat and rocked in the rocking chair for hours. It was the only thing that felt good to me. At 2 pm., the dr. broke my water and I got an epidural and by 3 pm, I was complete and ready to push. Everybody said that things were going so fast for a first baby. Everybody said that it would be soon. So I started pushing. And I pushed. And pushed. And pushed. They kept saying "It will be the next one!" Except it wasn't. Finally, 3 hours and 45 minutes later, the dr. came in and did a forceps delivery. (Well, technically, it wasn't a forceps delivery. He put the forceps in place and made enough room for the baby to come out.) Flower was born on September 22nd, 1999 at 6:45 pm. She was 7 lbs. 12 oz. and had the roundest head - which seemed funny after all the pushing that I did.

She was a terrible nurser (This lasted for the longest 6 weeks of my life too. She finally figured it out thankfully.) I sent her to the nursery that night to try and get some sleep, and they would bring her back every hour saying that I needed to nurse her. She wouldn't latch and would just sit and scream for 20 minutes. This went on all night. I kept her with me during the day, but of course, she mostly slept during the day. The second night was more screaming.

I was convinced that I shouldn't be allowed to take Flower home from the hospital. But they sent her home with us anyway. And she (and we) survived.

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It was December 17th, 2001. It was the end of Jelly Bean's pregnancy. Jelly Bean's pregnancy had been difficult. I was on bedrest from week 10 to week 20 with cramping and contractions. At 29 weeks, I went to the hospital with pre-term labor. I was already dilated to 5 centimeters when I got there, and everyone was sure that I would deliver then. Thankfully, I didn't. I was on hospital and home bedrest from 29 weeks until 37 weeks. Everybody said that I'd probably deliver the next day. I didn't. In fact, I had hardly any contractions for the next 3 weeks.

I went to my last dr. appointment and the dr. said that he wanted to see me deliver. I said that I didn't want pitocin. I didn't want an epidural. He said that he was sure it wouldn't be necessary. He would just break my water and I would probably deliver the baby shortly after that. So we showed up at the hospital at 9 am on December 18, 2001. The dr. broke my water.

And. Nothing. Happened. I had hardly any contractions. He came in and talked to me at 12:45 and said that I could continue like this for a few more hours, but now that my water was broken, I did need to deliver, and so if something didn't happen after 8 more hours, I'd have to do pitocin. Or I could just start pitocin now. I didn't want it, but at this point, I was just tired. I was tired of being pregnant. I just wanted to deliver.

At 1 pm, the nurse started the pitocin. The contractions started right away. I still wanted to not have an epidural. But as the contractions kept coming one after the other, I asked for an epidural. The nurse said that I couldn't have one until I was in True Labor. WHAT??? The nurse came in and figured out that the monitors weren't recording the contractions. She also checked me and said that I was at 6 centimeters. So she said that she would call him, but he wasn't at the hospital and it would take about 10 minutes before he got there. It was about 1:45 at this point. As soon as the nurse left the room, I noticed that I was pushing. I mean, I wasn't trying to, but I was pushing. I told Mr. Simple, and he said something about only being at 6 centimeters, but then when he saw that the baby was coming, he ran out in the hallway and said that I was having the baby. Mr. Simple and a nurse trainee came back in the room. The nurse trainee told me not to push because my dr. wasn't there yet. He would be there in 5 minutes or so. She told me to practice my breathing. I tried, sort of, once, but with that one breath, out came Jelly Bean. She was born at 1:53 pm. She weighed 6 pounds.

I didn't want to hold her at first. I felt bad about it, later, and even at the time, but my body was in shock that I'd just had a baby. It had been SO fast. And everything had seemed so out of control. But after 10 minutes, I held her. She was so small and red.

She nursed like a champ from the beginning. Yet, she was my tiniest baby at birth, and for a long time afterward. Like until she was 2 years old.

--------------------

It was September 25th (which isn't his actual birthday, wait, I'll get to it.) I had been at my one of my friend's son's baptism that day. A bunch of my other friends were there. Everyone was asking when I was going to have the baby.

Super's pregnancy had been a HUGE surprise. I'd had lots of trouble getting pregnant with the girls and so we figured that we were just going to be blessed with the two girls. Then when Jelly Bean was two, I started feeling sick. But it was winter. I always feel sick in the winter. And it wasn't really bad. Being pregnant didn't really cross my mind. Finally, I decided to go to the dr. and lo and behold, I was already almost 3 months along.

I also had pre-term labor with him, and it was even earlier, at 26 weeks, but they were able to manage it better this time, and I spent less time on hospital bedrest than I did with Jelly Bean. And when anyone asked, I told them that I did NOT want to be induced, and I did NOT want an epidural.

So anyway, his due date was September 20th (the same due date as Flower!). It came and went. And the next day and the next. By the 25th, I was getting pretty impatient, but I really didn't want to be induce. But the dr. said that he would only let me go until the September 27th. By the night of the baptism, I had resigned myself to the fact that I'd be going to the hospital on the 27th to be induced.

We get home and have dinner. I don't feel that well, and I hardly eat anything. I go lay down and sleep for a bit. When I wake up an hour or so later, I was having contractions. I went to take a bath because I knew that if I took a bath and the contractions stopped, they weren't "real" contractions. They didn't stop. I got out of the tub and started timing them. It was about 9 pm at this point. Mr. Simple kept checking on me every half hour or so, and I kept saying that it wasn't time yet. I didn't want to go and have to sit at the hospital or have things stall or something. Mr. Simple came up at midnight. He took one look at me and said "We are going."

We got to the hospital and we had to go in through the ER entrance because it was after 8 pm and the main doors are not open. We go in there, and the tech calls someone from Labor and Delivery to come bring us up. A nurse comes down and wants to have me ride in a wheelchair but I say that I want to walk. So we walked. It took almost an hour to get to L & D because I was having contractions every minute or so.

I got to L & D and was examined and I was at an 7. My water had already broke at home. Everything was going fine. I just walked around the room some more, sat on the birth ball, and talked to Mr. Simple. This was easy! I could do this every day!

Then about 2:45 am, everything changed. In retrospect, it was transition, but I didn't know it at the time. All of a sudden, I had the worst contraction EVER and it wasn't ending. And then when it did, another one started. I was so scared and it hurt A LOT. I told Mr. Simple I wanted an epidural. He tried to convince me that I didn't, but I wasn't not going to be convinced. So the nurse called for an epidural and she said that it would be about 10 minutes. (Haven't I heard this before?)

He got there at a little after 3 am, and it took about 5 minutes to get everything done. When he finished, I asked how long it would take before it took effect and he said usually about 10 minutes. I told him that I was feeling a lot of pressure, and he quickly went and got the nurse. The nurse came in, checked me, and then went to get the dr. And she told me not to push. (Haven't I heard this before?)

The dr. came in about 2 minutes later and two pushes later, and before the epidural kicked in, Super was born. He was born at 3:16 am on September 26, 2004. He weighed 6 pounds 14 oz.

We hadn't found out if he was a boy or a girl before he was born. I just assumed it would be another girl. So when he came out, Mr. Simple walked over to the bassinet and then back to me, and whispered in my ear "It is a boy."

He was such a calm baby. I enjoyed his babyhood so much more than with the girls. I was much more relaxed as a mom too. None of the kids were in school yet, and so we would just hang out around the house all day for the first 6 months or so. It was great.

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Happy Mother's Day (a few days late!) I feel so blessed that I am a mom. I'm not always the best mother, and I don't always have the best behaved children, but we have each other. And for that, I'm grateful.

It's that time of year -

The summer went by too fast. We did lots of reading and some learning this summer, but we spent much more time hanging out at swim meets and t-ball games. But here it is, the end of August, and time to think about "back to school." Flower is in 5th grade this year (how that happened, I have no idea), Jelly Bean is in 3rd grade, and Super is in Kindergarten.

Flower and Jelly Bean. Based on pictures, it really looks like they get along really well. Trust me, it is an illusion. LOL

Flower. I swear her other lower leg is there somewhere.

Jelly Bean. This shirt is yet another piece of clothing that my friend Stacey talked me into getting on a shopping trip almost two years ago. The kids have really worn and worn those clothes.

Jelly Bean and her sister's hand

Sigh. I swear, he can smile.

I swear.

See I told you.

He doesn't have some unusual attachment for the tree, but it was a picture of him actually smiling, so I just went with it.

Busy, Busy

I've finally got motivated to get started on my "book." It will be a book about Simple Self-Sufficiency (shocker, I know) and so I've been reading, and reading and reading and deciding on the format, etc.

I've also been making dried herbs (from my herb garden) - this year, I've got parsley, basil and oregano. I love making my own. I am probably just kidding myself, but I swear the homemade tastes better.

And I canned some bread and butter pickles last night as well as started making tomato pulp in preparation for making tomato sauce. I run the tomatoes through a food strainer as I pick them, put them in freezer bags until the end of the season, then defrost them, boil them down, and can them. Making the sauce is a couple days of hard work, but it keeps most of the other stuff spread out and manageable.

The girls finished up a great season of Swim Team, and Super finishes his last T-Ball game tonight. The Library Program ended last week.

I'm sad that there is only one month of summer left, but August should be much less busy (well, except for all that gardening LOL)

Lazy Summer Days

Here's the Simple Kids and the little girl that I watch (after almost two years of watching her, she is going to Kindy in the Fall! Sniff! We'll miss you! She's become almost like Super's twin sister.) We don't have anything scheduled for almost a month, and so we are just hanging out and doing whatever. We decided to go on a walk today, and we stopped to run around at a local football field. Go Team! (Oh and yes, Flower is wearing the same dress she wore to the Fair. She loves that thing! Bought on a very rare shopping trip last fall, and my dear friend Stacey talked me into (just kidding Stacey!) buying some clothes at Old Navy and the Gap that were on clearance. I must say, the kids have loved them all!

Then we came home and we've been listening to music while we cleaned the house. It helps us all get the work done faster. After this, we are going to go play in the sprinkler.

I was reading on a blog that I follow that said Time Is All That We Are Given. I don't know that the person who wrote it on the blog was the author of the quote, but I don't know who wrote it, but I've been thinking about it for the past couple of days. It's made me think a lot about my life, and what I've spent time doing, and what I've not done. And it has made me think about the time that I've had on this earth, and what if today is my last day. (Hope not!) Or next week (Hope not!) But I do want to make the best of the time I have been given. I need to be purposeful with my Time and not wait for "someday" to do some of the things that I want to do. But I will also never regret spending Time just walking, listening, working, playing with my kids either.

Welcome to the World's Largest 4-H Fair!

Our county hosts the world's largest 4-H Fair, and this year was Flower's first year in 4-H. Flower entered 4 projects - a drawstring skirt, a cloth bag, a sketch, and a bookmark for a book that she had read. After the judging, we ate (gotta love fair food!) and checked out some of the other things, and then since it was 1 ticket per ride day, we went on a BUNCH of rides (I usually let them ride on one each.) It was a very fun day.

Talking to the judges about her skirt

Modeling the skirt for the judges - she got a blue ribbon!

Modeling her cloth bag

Talking to the judges about her cloth bag - she got a blue ribbon!

Petting the baby pigs

My own little piglet!

The girls were inside the tractor and there was a simulator showing fields so that it looked like you were driving a tractor. Super went in front of the screen to show a pig running through the field. Silly Kid!

Jelly Bean in the fun house

Super and Flower in the fun house. Flower was very proud of herself for managing to walk a few steps without falling.

Sliding down the big slide

Both girls were tall enough to do the bumper cars this year. Sigh. Why do they have to keep growing up???

Super on the Merry Go Round

Super in Heaven - on a Fire Truck ride. He LOVES fire trucks.

On the mini ferris wheel. Maybe next year we'll go on the REAL ferris wheel.

Flower getting ready to start bungee jumping. You can see Jelly Bean in the air to the right.

Jelly Bean is jumping in the middle - If you can't find her, look at the ferris wheel.

Super jumping. They all got jumping really, really high!

We can hardly wait until next year!

The other thing I've been doing besides blogging . . .

is going to the Simple Kids' activities this summer. Super is in Wee Ball and loves it. Jelly Bean is in Pre Ball and doesn't love it. (She was in T-Ball last summer and loved it, and thought that she thought that she would love Pre-Ball. She has already decided that she will do Swim Team next summer.) Flower is on Swim Team and really likes it, but early morning practice is a little rough!

Super has Wee Ball from 6-7 pm on Monday/Wednesday, and Jelly Bean has Pre-Ball on Monday/Wednesday from 7-8 pm with games on Saturday mornings. Flower has Swim Team practice from 7-8:30 am Monday through Friday, and 6-7:30 pm Monday through Friday except on Tuesday when she has meets from 5:30 -9:30 pm. So our evenings have been a little busy, and our schedule is all off.

My children have always gone to bed on the early side (7:00 pm, although the girls can read for another 1/2 hour or so.) Well, on Monday and Wednesday nights, we aren't home until 8:30, and still need to do baths, etc. and Tuesday, we aren't home until close to 10 pm. But they are good and tired in a good kind of way, and go to sleep quickly.

Here are some pictures of them in action:

Look at that arm!

Jelly Bean out in the field.

Flower testing the water before a race

Totally not related to Simple Life - Meet Super Montana

O.K., one of my friends just posted a picture of her son after her two daughters put hair accessories all over his hair. It was too funny. And it made me think of the day that Flower and Jelly Bean dressed him up as Hannah Montana.

Anyway, I present Super Montana (Oh, and try not to get sea sick. The filming was not done by a professional. Or an Adult. Flower and Jelly Bean were filming at the time.) Oh, and try and overlook the fact that the room is a complete disaster too.

What would you do if you didn't have kids?

That's what Super asked me tonight - after a particularly long, tired, week.

I answered "Well, things would be cleaner longer, and I'd probably work at a job that wasn't at our house. But I probably would be more sad too."

"Why would you be more sad?" he said.

"Because I wouldn't have you and your two sisters. And most of the time, you make me very, very happy." I said.

"But not when I break stuff?" he asked.

"Yes. I am not very happy when you break stuff." I replied.

So do you think

that it is easier to be a better mom to less children because you have more time to spend with each child, less places to be, less variety to various moods and personalities?

Or is it easier to be a better mom to more children because you have more variety to various moods and personalities and so you learn more about how to deal with them, more help with the family because the older ones can help with the younger ones, and just having more mothering experiences?

I think I've decided that having 3 children is the hardest amount. LOL Too many to be able to spend lots of time with all of them, and relatively busy with their activities, and each child is very different than the other, but there isn't really enough of them/wide enough spread to help me, and three children doesn't give me a TON of mothering experiences.

But three is what I have given - and I'm going to try to teach them the best that I can, and try and be the best mother I can be too.

A little break from the Simple Talk

There is a subject that I think about quite a bit, but I rarely talk about it on this blog. And that subject is children.

I have three children. There are each wonderful and wacky. Are they perfect? No. Am I a perfectly wonderful mother? No. But it doesn't change the fact that for many years, I wanted to be a mother of not just the three children I have blessed with, but at least one, and possible two or three more.

My road to being the mother of any children has not been an easy one. I didn't get married until I was 29, and then I had difficulty getting pregnant, and I had a miscarriage before Flower, Jelly Bean's pregnancy was full of scary complications and bedrest, then another miscarriage, Super's pregnancy was also spent with some time on bedrest and then he was born with a true knot in his cord (but thankfully, it didn't cause any problems), and then another miscarriage in 2006, and Christopher's stillbirth in 2008.

I find myself looking at women who have four, five, six children and my heart aches for the children that I lost. My heart longs to have more children, to be able to have another baby in my arms, another baby to take care of and another baby to teach me more about what life is really about. My heart is broken because I will never have any more children.

But it isn't that I don't love the children that I have, and I often feel bad for the time that I spend wishing that things had been different instead of taking that time to do something with my children, or learning something to be a better parent to my children. Sometimes I feel like I'm not being grateful enough for what I have. Sometimes I feel like it is time to just accept the reality that I do have. Sometimes, I know that I am not being the mother that I could or should be, and that if I had more children, I would be even worse.

And then Flower draws me a picture, Jelly Bean shares a chocolate bar, and Super laughs his wonderful laugh. And I feel so happy.

Life is never what you expect it to be, for worse AND for better. Life is all about learning about sorrow and joy. I've had my share of both.

OK, if I want things to run well around the house

I simply need to get my children to help around the house every day. My children are 9, almost 7, and 4. They are all old enough to help around the house, even Super, although he needs closer supervision usually and sometimes a little assistance, and LOTS of positive encouragement.

Here are our DAILIES:

Everyone

• Make Beds
• Tidy bedroom

Mom

• Wipe bathroom sinks/counters/toilet
• Wipe Kitchen sink/counters
• Plan/Cook Dinner
• Tidy learning room
• Vacuum a main room (either the Family Room or Living Room)

Flower

• Vacuum a main room (whatever room Mom isn't doing)
• Tidy a main room (alternate between Family Room/Living Room)
• Kitchen Job (either set/clear the table, unload the dishwater, or sweep the floor)

Jelly Bean

• Dust a main room
• Tidy a main room (whichever one Flower isn't doing)
• Kitchen Job

Super

• Tidy shoes
• Sweep the entry way or Clean windows
• Kitchen Job

We tend to stay with the same daily jobs for awhile, but I know that many families change it weekly or monthly. We tend to change every other month or when it seems time.

Doing Less?

I started blogging here because I wanted to talk about how I want to live a simple life with my family. But I'm starting to think that I'm all talk and no action.

For example, I heard a talk (Julie Beck, "Mothers Who Know" Ensign, November 2007) about a year ago about mothers. One of the things that the speaker said was that mothers who know do less -"They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all." I thought to myself - Yes, that sounds right to me. It fits in with my plan of living simply. Not to mention, we just don't have the money to do many outside activities.

But yet, we seem to have enough to have cable TV with many channels and a DVR recorder. Now we honestly don't watch it much, and the children don't watch anything but educational television, but we do watch it some. And the cable company is not stupid either. They offered us a "great deal" if we packaged our phone service, our cable modem, and the cable TV all together. But if we decide to drop any service (like the TV) then the prices for the other two services go up to more than the three together. So we keep it because it costs us less than if we didn't have it. And so we watch it. I can rationalize all I want, with any number of excuses, but we should still probably be watching less/almost none/more selectively and using that time doing something together.

However, although we could be watching TV, the thing that is really making me think lately is that we are doing too much. It started out innocently enough. The girls were both in girl scouts and meet a couple of times a month. Then Flower started going to church activity for girls that meets twice a month. And then Flower and Super wanted to do swimming lessons. I couldn't afford private lessons, but we could do parks and rec lessons, and it is only $25 a session. Oh, yea. Make that $50 for both of them. Oh, and a session is a month, so it will be $50 for November. And $50 for January. And $50 for February. And since Flower is homeschooled, it is extra important to me to have her get some exercise. Swimming is twice a week. O.K., busy, but we are managing. Oh, yea. it wouldn't be fair if Jelly Bean didn't do anything. So Jelly Bean is doing basketball. For $60 a session. At least a basketball session is two months instead of one month. Basketball is twice a week. Thankfully on different days than swimming. Flower wants to do 4-H. It's only once a month. It's o.k., I say. And Flower really should be learning the piano. She's 9 and hasn't taken lessons yet. But we can't afford it.

And that was when I thought "Can we afford what we are already doing?" Not necessarily financially, but in terms of the time that we are spending outside of the house? Do we need to do all these activities at once? And we need to do all of them right now?

Julie Beck told mothers the answer up there. I don't need to and probably shouldn't choose it all. So why do I always feel like I need to? Why do I feel am a bad mother when I choose less? And why can't I enjoy myself more when we do less? Because it always sounds good in theory to spend time "reading, laughing, singing, talking" but the reality is that my children fight. A LOT. And I can only stand so much togetherness before it erupts into me yelling and separating them and then there is no togetherness and I'm left feeling like a failure.

But again, I need to give up the excuses and just do it. Live with less. Do less. Because the benefits, one day, will be worth it.