Well, be careful what you make fun of . . .

Do remember me posting about my younger friend (by a couple years) who needed to use reading glasses and how I was teasing her about it?

And I've also been slightly mocking Mr. Simple (who is SIX years younger than me) because he bought some reading glasses from the drug store.

Well, I went and got my eyes checked last week for the first time in a few years.  I've recently transitioned to mostly wearing glasses after years of wearing contacts 99% of the time and so I wanted to check to see if my glasses prescription was the same.

Well, my glasses prescription is actually a little too strong, so I'll need to get new lenses (and frames while I'm at it) and guess what?

Yep, I need bifocals. 

I'll defend myself by saying that it is a mild correction.  One might even argue that I don't "really" need them. 

But yes, there I was today, getting my new frames and lenses fitted and she was marking where I needed the magnification part to start on the lenses. 

I swear, I didn't think that my body would seem this old at 45.  Of course, I used to think that 45 was not that young either, but now? 45 IS young! I'm a spring chicken!

Yea, a spring chicken with bifocals :)

Well, here it is already the middle of April -

and I've only done one blog post in April! As usual, it is mostly because I've been so busy! It has been very interesting that I closed Montgomery Academy on March 2nd, and I thought that I would find myself a little bored since, at the time, I didn't have that much scheduled to do during the day.  

Uh, I have not been bored. 

In fact, I've said on more than one occasion in the past six weeks that it was probably a good thing that I quit when I did because I can't imagine doing all the things that I've done lately AND done Montgomery Academy. 

And I'll be honest, it has also been nice to know that if I was sick on a Monday or a Thursday or whatever, I could, GASP!, be sick and stay in bed all day if I needed to.  Ironically, I haven't actually been that sick on a week day, but I sort of like knowing that if I, or my kids are sick, it isn't going to affect me and 4-5 other families. 

The last two weeks, we've also been catching up on eye doctor and dentist appointments.  It was always a major production when I or the kids needed to go to appointments because I would have to take the daycare kids with me, and so I've been trying to get all of those things caught up.  So far, Flower, Jelly Bean, and I have been to the eye doctor (my prescription is actually too strong, so I need to get new glasses, and Flower and Jelly Bean both need glasses, but with just minor correction.) Super goes on Friday.  All four of us go to the dentist tomorrow.  Then I'll try and tackle doctor appointments during the last week of April.  I only need to make doctor appointments for 3 out of the 5 of us - myself, Flower and Super.

I just finished up a part-time writing job last week, and I'm hoping to start another part-time training job in the next couple of weeks.  I'm teaching one hour workshops this week out at the community college for Earth Week and that has been great fun! I'm teaching workshops on Reduce/Reuse/Recycle, Seed Starting, Energy Efficiency, and Green Transportation.  I've also got a breadmaking class coming up on this Friday for Simply Living In The City. 

And those kids of mine are busy, busy.  Flower is in a couple school clubs - drama club and a scholastic bowl-type of club, and Jelly Bean and Super are both practicing once or twice a week for the school talent show that is coming up in mid May.  Jelly Bean is also in competitive swimming and is at practice for 2 hours 4-5 times a week.  I'm looking forward to summer and being able to relax a little bit.  We will have swimming, of course, but we should have a lot of down time during the day. 

And Mr. Simple just finished a whole house paint job a week or so ago, and is booked solid for April and most of May and just booked a job today for June! He has also done the radio broadcasts most weekends since January for the local pro basketball league (they won the league championships on Saturday!) and also does the local arena football broadcasts most weekends from March until July, so his weekends generally are full too!

We got our new appliances, but we haven't made much other progress around the house because Mr. Simple and I have been so busy doing other things.  But hopefully by mid June, we can get going again. 

I still can't believe that it is already mid April, and in six weeks, it will be June!  When they say time goes by much faster as you get older, wow, they aren't kidding!!!

Part 2: How did I get here?

So we are up to 1990-ish.  So there I was, sitting in the English chairperson's office.  I really was just doing this to appease my dad.  I mean, I was accepted and everything at University of Utah.  But one of the reasons that I was even going back to school was that I had recently met someone who was working for WordPerfect (Anybody else remember when WordPerfect was king?).  She said she was working as a technical writer.  I asked her what she did, and I thought it sounded like something that I would like. I asked her what she got her degree in and she said English.  I already had taken a couple classes towards a degree in English, so I might as well start back at that, so that's what I planned to major in at University of Utah.

The chair comes in and we exchange pleasantries and then he offers to give me a tour of some of the classrooms.  And then he said "I hear that you are interested in technical writing.  We have two professors here that specialize in technical writing and we allow undergrads to take most of the technical writing classes." And then we went and talked to one of the technical writing professors.  And then we walked around campus.  And I didn't get that nagging feeling.  It felt right. 

So I went back and undid my acceptance at University of Utah and wound up things at my job.  And you know, I must have drove my car from Utah to Illinois, but I have absolutely no recollection of that.  I do know that I didn't have much when I got here.  It was amazing.  I was a 25 year old adult that had been on her own for years and yet, I could get everything I owned in a 4 door hatchback. 

And so I came to Illinois State University and I spent the next two years, from 1991 to 1993, mostly happy.  I met some wonderful young adults at church and we would hang out at Denny's most Fridays nights.   In fact, before my sister moved here a year later, this included hanging out often with my now-brother in law.  :) (We even went on a date once.  Well, we went to a movie.  And even then, before he even met my sister, it was like dating my brother.)

Oh, and another sort of funny about this time.  I often went to the university library computer lab to type my papers.  There were two guys that were on staff there that were often there when I was.  One of them, years later, was my boss when I was a trainer, and the other one was Mr. Simple.  I remembered my boss was one of the workers, but I have no real recollection of Mr. Simple from those days beyond the fact that I do remember that there were two guys there. 

And so I graduated in 1993 and got a job as a technical writer in downtown Chicago.  I lived out in the suburbs and I took the train in.  I felt like I'd arrived.  Well, sort of.  Because I was originally hired as an summer intern, and then I was hired as a consultant.  My hourly rate was uh, not that great.  But I really liked my job and I hoped that I would get hired as a regular employee.  But a year went by and they still hadn't hired me on.  I didn't feel brave enough yet to try and get another technical writing job in Chicago, so I decided to go back to graduate school in technical writing. 

I applied to and got accepted at University of Southern California, Rennselaer University, and Illinois State University.  ISU was definitely my third choice - just because I'd been there/done that and wanted to experience something new.  But this time, I followed the money.  ISU was the only one to offer me a scholarship and an assistantship with a stipend.  So I went.  And I decided to live in the graduate dorms.  I wanted to have a room of my own, but I wanted to be close to campus. 

So August 19th, 1994, I was moving in to the dorms and this cute boy holds the door open for me.  It was Mr. Simple. 

He lived in the dorms too, and he was an English grad student too.  All of the English grad students started hanging out both at the dorms and outside of the dorms.  And here's where things started to fall apart again.  I was unhappy with the program.  And to be honest, I was a little overwhelmed.  I'd always been a great student, but I'd never had to think critically.  And now I did. So I turned to my old stand-by: alcohol.  I drank almost every night. At least this time, it was with friends.  We just walked to and from the bars and so there was that too.  But this time, it was worse in some ways too.  I was drinking to the point of blacking out - two or three times a week.  And by November, I was dating Mr. Simple.  I stopped drinking for good, thankfully, by February of 1995, and I also, after 14 years, stopped my eating disorder.  And I also got engaged to Mr. Simple.  At this point, I knew that I wouldn't finish my masters in English, at least not at Illinois State University.  On August 19th, 1995, a year to the day after I met him, I married Mr. Simple.  We married at a church here in this city, and had our reception at the ballroom in the student center at ISU. 

We moved into an apartment across town.  Mr. Simple was finishing up his last year of his masters.  We were in that bad car accident.  I was working as a receptionist.  We were poor.  And then, in April of 1996, I got an e-mail from my boss from my job in Chicago and he wanted to offer me a full-time position.  And we went. 

We lived in the suburbs and I took the train in, again.  It was great, mostly.  Except that Mr. Simple was working as a technical writer for a totally different company and didn't like it.  We missed our friends and family that lived here.  We didn't see each other that much because I had an hour train ride from downtown to our apartment. 

So we started looking for jobs back in central Illinois.  I got a job first - as a technical writer for a company in Springfield and started working there in late 1997.  After a month or so, Mr. Simple got a job as a news reporter for a radio station in Decatur (He got his bachelors in broadcast communications.)  And after a few months, he was promoted to news director and we had to move to Decatur.  My job was fine, but I was not.  I'd had my first miscarriage shortly after we moved to Springfield and had spent all of 1998 depressed and just wanting to get pregnant again.  I was obsessed, to put it mildly.

Oh, and that boss of mine? The one that worked with Mr. Simple at the Library? When I started dating Mr. Simple, I realized that they were good friends.  He now worked at ISU and he ran the computer training program.  It was now February of 1999.  I was newly pregnant with Flower.  And my husband's friend had decided he needed someone who could write training curriculum and maybe teach a class or two.  He called me and asked if I might be interested in applying.  I was, and I did.  And I got it.  Mr. Simple got a job as a news reporter at a radio station in Bloomington.  (He wouldn't do this long.  By the time Flower was two months old, Mr. Simple would have a job as the public safety officer at the fire department - a job he held for over 10 years.)

We moved to a two bedroom condo in this city in 1999. And moved to our home in this city in 2002.  Flower was born in 1999.  Jelly Bean was born in 2001. Super was born in 2004.  And Christopher was born and died in 2008.  He is buried at a cemetery here.  My children were all born at the same hospital.  My (living) children have all gone to the same elementary school.  I have friends that I've known since I've moved here in 1991, and many friends that I met when we moved back here in 1999.  I went back to school, at ISU of course, and finished my masters degree in 2005.  Not in English, but in Training and Development. I opened my preschool here. We've seen many, many houses built here since 1999.  We've seen buildings torn down and buildings built on campus.  At some point or another, every member of my family: my parents, my older brother, my sister, and my younger brother, have lived in this city.  I worked as a trainer here for almost 5 years.  I opened my preschool here.  I started living a simpler life here.  I started doing Simply Living In The City here.  I have lived, and not just resided but really experienced life, for almost half of my life in this city.  There were many times that I thought that I might want to move.  Far away.  Have a new adventure in Montana.  Or Texas. Or Vermont.  But Mr. Simple wanted to stay here.  And so we stayed.  And as the years have gone by, I've learned that, if I was going to pick a place to live for 20+ years, Bloomington/Normal, Illinois is a very good place to be.

How did I get here?

Not in the figurative sense.  In the literal sense.  Like how in the world did I end up living in central Illinois for most of the last 20 years? Well, here goes.

I was born in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan.  My dad was working for Ford Motor Company at the time (mid 1960s.) My parents had married in 1964 - February 14th to be exact, and I think right after they got married, they moved to Detroit.  My dad was in management, having recently finished his masters in business at University of Illinois.  (Oh, just as an aside, I love the show Mad Men, and I always envision that things were sort of like that at Ford when my dad was working there.)  And despite my mother being told by her doctor that she would never have any children, my older brother was born in January of 1965, and I was born in the summer of 1966.  We stayed in Detroit until 1968 and then we moved to Champaign, Illinois so that my dad could do his PhD (in Organizational Behavior.) I remember my mom typing on my father's dissertation for HOURS.  I went to nursery school there (we didn't call it preschool yet) and kindergarten and first grade. (Oh, my sister was born in Champaign in 1970.) My dad told us that summer after first grade that we were moving to Lincoln, Nebraska because he had got a job as a professor in organizational behavior.  (When I was a kid, I could never remember/pronounce organizational behavior.  I just said that he taught at the university.)

We moved during the summer of 1972.  We moved into a split-level with green shag carpet on the top level and blue shag carpet on the bottom level.  I shared a room with my sister for the first year or so, but finally, my dad couldn't stand the fighting between us, and he built me a room at the end of our enormous family room.  (It was HUGE - because my room was about 12 x 14 with a very large walk-in closet.  I have no idea how big the room was before he put the room in, but it was HUGE. Did I mention that?)  I went to school at this fantastic, totally 70s, elementary school.  Everything was very, very individualized.  I thrived with that type of curriculum.  They also strongly encouraged anything creative - music, art, writing, etc. I loved that school.  I attended that school from second grade until the November of my 6th grade year.  This was before 6th grade moved to "middle school" and so it was still in elementary.  My parents had decided that they wanted to have a bigger yard and they wanted us to attended the "new" junior high and high school and that was on the other side of town, so we moved.  (Oh, my youngest brother was born in January of 1977 and this was November of 1977. Oh, and after a year or two of teaching, my dad became an independent management consultant.  He travelled extensively and worked for very large organizations teaching them about organizational behavior and organizational change.)

Our house was bigger and the yard was HUGE.  I hated my school.  It was a lovely school, I'm sure, but very traditional.  They didn't know what to do with me.  I was at least two grades ahead in all subjects.  So they just put me in regular classes and made me turn in work that I was way past.  I was bored and angry that we had moved away from all my friends.  But I had a friend from church, and we started hanging out, and I started to become friends with her friends, and I wasn't so lonely. I still hated my classes though. 

I went to the junior high and high school and graduated in 1984.  (Yes, that is almost 30 years ago.  I'm SO old.) I was a very good student and I had excelled in science in high school, and I scored a perfect score on my ACTs in science (with a high score on the others.) I applied to 3 colleges - University of Nebraska, Boston College, and Brigham Young University.  I got a full scholarship offer to University of Nebraska, a 4 year tuition scholarship offer to Boston College, and no scholarship offer to BYU.  So, of course, I picked BYU.  (I have told my children that if they get a scholarship, TAKE IT!) I was very excited to go far away to school.  I signed up to live in the dorms as soon as I could. And then, in July, my dad told us that he had decided to take a job as a Vice President at a university.  Which university? Brigham Young University. 

So even though my parents ended up living just miles from campus, I still kept my plans and moved into the dorms.  I did a year at Brigham Young University.  The Boy died 3 weeks into my freshman year and I just never quite recovered that whole year.  (This is when I was a microbiology major.) And it just didn't seem like a good fit for me. 

So for my sophomore year, I decided to go to Dixie College and study Creative Writing.  The school was a good fit for me at the time, but after a year, it seemed too small, and despite my excellent grades, I was self-destructing at a scary pace, and I knew I needed to move on.  Or in my case, back to Provo. 

And so began the "lost years" - I spent the next few years - signing up for and dropping classes at BYU.  And taking a few classes at the local community college.  I changed my major several times - English, Spanish, Communications.  I had an eating disorder that had started when I was 15 and I was hospitalized when I was 16.  But things really didn't get a lot better, I just got better at hiding it.  For awhile.  And then, I didn't.  I was hospitalized again when I was 20.  I remember I spent Christmas in the hospital that year.  And then I got out and was working odd jobs and wandering and wondering if this was all there was to life. 

And to be honest, I spent time drinking.  Heavily.  But I would never drive drunk.  No, I would wait until my roommates left for the evening and drink for an hour or two, take my empties out to the dumpster, and then go to bed.  No one had any idea.  This wasn't the first time that I had turned to alcohol.  From the time I was 15, I would drink off and on (always until I was terribly drunk) and during my senior year of high school, I had drank most weekends for the first few months of the year. Oh,and during my entire year down at Dixie College.

But at some point, it was getting difficult to afford things, and alcohol, and I'd decided that I just wasn't the college type.  So I decided to get a job.  I hadn't finished college, and so my options were limited, but I could type well.  I saw a job listed in the paper for a Records Clerk at the police department.  And so applied.  And got it. 

I was still drinking every night for the first few months that I worked there, but I had become friends with one of the officers and one day, he showed up after my roommates had left.  He said that he had a feeling that he would find me like that.  He said that it wasn't worth it.  He said that I had my life ahead of me and that whatever was hurting me so much wasn't going to be helped by drinking.  (I didn't agree with him at the time.  I had been depressed for most of the 3 or 4 years before this and couldn't see that my life would ever get any better.) But there was something about the way he said it (well, and the fact that he kept tabs on me for the next couple months) were enough to break the cycle.  Well, at least for a few years, but more on that later. 

And I worked there for the next few years.  I slowly got a little happier.  Not a lot, but a little. My dad told me that they (my parents and my youngest brother) were moving to Bloomington, Illinois.  My dad had accepted a position as the chair of the Management and Quantitative Methods at Illinois State University.  It never really crossed my mind to move with them.  I visited once or twice a year for the next couple years. 

But by now, I was starting to wonder if working at a police department was all I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  And I decided I wanted to finish my degree.  But I didn't want to finish at BYU.  I wanted to start somewhere fresh. I decided to meet with someone from the English department at University of Utah.  I applied and I was accepted.  I went to meet with my advisor and I took a tour of the campus.  I loved it.  But something was nagging at me.  I figured that it was just the fact that I was back on a campus again.  I was going to start the next semester.  Meanwhile, I had a visit scheduled to see my parents.  So I went back, and while I was there, my dad said something about me going to the University of Utah (which, by the way, is where he got HIS bachelors degree) and he said "I think you would like it there, but I think you should check out the English department here.  I think you might like it.  Oh, and I've arranged a meeting with the chair.  Tomorrow morning."

Well, this is long enough for one post.  I'll do part 2 in a few days. 

To Mr. Simple:

You may have noticed that I rarely mention Mr. Simple on the blog.  There have been a variety of reasons for that over the years.

First of all, Mr. Simple isn't, well, all that simple.  I mean, he is to a certain point, but if he was living in this house all by himself, this probably isn't the way that he would live.  But he mostly goes along with it and doesn't roll his eyes.  Much.

Second, he isn't really a big "public" sort of guy.  Well, that's not entirely true since he has done local sport broadcasting, both on TV and radio, for the last 10 years.  He also was the public safety officer for the city's fire department for 10 years.  Everywhere we go, he runs into someone that he knows. But knowing someone's name and being able to chit-chat with them is one thing.  Having me blog about him is another. (Of course, you may have noticed that I am, uh, blogging about him.)

Third, and I'm keeping it real here, things haven't always beeen super-duper fantabulous between Mr. Simple and I.  We have been married for almost 17 years, but there have been a couple of rather large bumps.  I always just posted here about me, or about the kids, or simple living, because it was easier and less messy and embarrassing than talking about my marriage. 

I love Mr. Simple and I always will.  But we met and married in a huge whirlwind and we came from very different backgrounds.  Fairly early on, we both felt that we weren't all that compatible. Add to that all the stress over the years - stress of infertility, job loss, miscarriage, family, different backgrounds and other things, well, let's just say that we struggled.  And I didn't think we would make it.

And then, quietly, slowly, we found each other again.  And we also discovered that over the years, we had become compatible.  And we discovered not only that we were compatible, but we were friends.  We were truly "best friends."  We had come to the point that we loved each other for so many things - the things that only the two of us had shared: the funny, the embarrassing, the tragic.  We loved because we knew how to make each other laugh.  We were each the person that we always thought of first to tell about something.  We loved each other because we didn't want to lose each other.  We loved each other because we made this family together and we wanted to keep it together.

And so this is for you Mr. Simple.  I love you.  (He is cringing right now.  We are so not the gushing PDA type.) Thank you for being my husband.  I am a better person because I have been your wife. 

What I could have been

if only, sometimes, in my mind. I have always been sort of imaginative.  I spent a large portion of my early childhood imagining/creating something or another. 

From the time that I was in 2nd grade until I was in 6th grade, I came home for lunch from school on most days, and so I'd run the whole 4 blocks from school to home.  (In retrospect, I don't know that I'd let my child leave school and be unattended for even 4 blocks, but it was the 70s.) Anyway, most of the time, I'd imagine that I was an Olympic track star running a race, and I'd always come in first.  (I did run track in high school, and long distances when I was in my early 20s, but I never approached Olympic levels.)

My other favorite thing was to pretend that I was actually a witch.  You have to remember that I was a child of 70s, and so Bewitched (and I Dream of Jeannie) were in reruns after school, so when I imagined being a witch, I imagined being a kid version of Samantha.  I'd look at a leaf and whisper for it to move, and most of the time, just like magic, the wind would carry the leaf off somewhere.  I could make birds fly from trees too pretty often.  :)

I was also very into creating musical numbers.  I was forever putting my parents LPs on the stereo and making up my own choreography.  I was brilliant, I tell you.  :) I was even able to come up with an amazing routine for the Disney Winnie The Pooh record we had.  I was also in tap and ballet at the time, and would sometimes make up MUCH more interesting choreography (in my head) than my dance teacher made for our routines.  My teacher didn't quite appreciate it when I wasn't paying attention because I was too busy thinking of my own routines.  Or worse, when I would start dancing my routines instead.

And then, of course, there was my writing.  I spent HOURS and HOURS of my child writing.  I'd write poems and stories mostly.  Sometimes I'd write lyrics for a song and since I was in piano, well, OF COURSE, I wrote the music too.  My writing did get noticed by the adults in my world.  I am sure it was just simple, sweet kid stuff, but some teachers did think that I was pretty talented way back then.  I won several awards in school for my writing when I was a child.  My parents told their friends about what a good writer I was, and so now, I still get them asking "Are you still writing? You were so good (when you were 6!)" Of course, none of these same adults, and slightly less so with my parents, really considered my technical writing actually "writing."  They just thought that I was a computer expert (which I wasn't.  Well, maybe a just little bit more than the average person, but that was because I started doing computer documentation back in the early 90s.)

And then there was science.  I loved to write and I loved to read, but what really got me going was SCIENCE.  I loved everything about it.  I loved learning about it.  I loved talking about it.  I loved doing it.  And then when I went to junior high and high school, I took every course that I could that related to science.  As soon as I knew what a microbiologist was, I decided that that is what I wanted to do when I grew up.  (I did, actually, start college with my degree as microbiology. But Organic Chemistry 2 did me in.  I just couldn't seem to quite understand it and since I'd rather change my major than fail, switch I did.  Of course, not to English right off.  That would have been too easy. :) )

But teaching? Being a Mom? Training? Creating a business? Yea, I don't remember EVER imagining those things.  Not even the mom thing.  I was not exactly a girly-girl.  My older brother was 18 months older than me, and my younger sister didn't come along for 4 years after I was born, so my and my brother hung out all the time when we were kids.  I was way more into STP cars than I was into dolls.  And by the time I was in my early 20s, I figured that I was going to just have a career; not get married, and not have kids.  I did briefly entertain becoming a high school English teacher when I was in college, and I went to my student teaching orientation meeting, where we sat in on an English class, and that was enough for me to decide that I didn't want to teach.  And my dad was the one who created a business.  That wouldn't be what I would do.

I am glad (and it is probably for the best too!) that I didn't end up any of the things that I imagined as a child.  What I have been in the past 20 years really feels what is RIGHT for me.  It feels like it fits.  Teaching, training, technical writing, being a mom.  All those things make me smile.  Well, most of the time.  Although, it is too bad that you couldn't have seen my moves back in the day. Or not.  :)

Do I complain a lot?

I'm never quite sure how I come off here anyway - I don't know if I come off as whiny, pathetic, or or as a know-it-all, or like I have perfect kids, or that I'm totally Mrs. Simple extraordinaire, or what (for the record, I hope I don't come off like any of that.)

But I'm talking a little bit more like in real life, and I am wondering if I complain a lot.  And some of my readers know me, and maybe could answer that because I do tend to be fairly "real" around my friends, but perhaps maybe I don't complain as much around them as I do as say, around The Simple Family.

Because one of the members of The Simple Family, who shall remain nameless, did say something that perhaps I complained a little more than necessary.

And so I've been thinking about it.

Do I?

And how much is too much?

And what is o.k. to complain about?

Is it o.k. to complain about money when we are getting food on the table, mortgage and utilities paid, clothes on our backs, and we go out to dinner every now and again?

Is it o.k. to complain about my childrens' school situation when they are getting core classes covered, and they have good teachers and they are getting good grades?

Is it o.k. to complain about my house when we aren't underwater at all, when we have equity, when we have 4 bedrooms, and 2100 square feet of livable space?

Is it o.k. to complain about my health when all my limbs work, I can see, I can hear, and I can think, and I don't have any condition that prevents me from carrying on a "normal" life?

Is it o.k. to complain about feeling lonely when I have friends?

Is it o.k. to complain about feeling like I'm starting my career all over when I was the one who chose to go to part time (which led to my layoff)? And I'm the one who continued to chose to do preschool/daycare so that I could be home much of the time with my kids? So that I could homeschool?

I don't know.  So I'm going to try and think before I complain.  I'm going to try and decide how much I really complain.  And I'm going to try and see what I'm complaining about that most.  And perhaps, by looking at what I complain the most about, then maybe I can look to see if there is anything that I can do to change it.

There are things that I know I can't really change.  Except maybe my attitude.  And I'll work on that too.  Although that may be the hardest at all.  I'd much rather complain about things that I can't change than accept that I can't change it.

I always thought that I would have made a good hippie

Here I am in probably 1976 with my friend Kelli K.  I loved that wallpaper.  Please note the plaid PANTS. 

Well, I was born in the 60s and all, 1966 to be precise, but I was a little young to be hitting Haight- Ashbury during the Summer of Love. 

I did have parents who LOVED folk music though and I remember many, many nights as a young child as we listened to Peter, Paul and Mary, Woody Guthrie, The Kingston Trio, The Limelighters, Simon & Garfunkel, and The Mamas & The Papas on my parents LPs on the big console stereo.  My older brother is only 18 months older than me, and my younger sister didn't come along until 1970 (and my younger brother didn't arrive until 1977.) So for those first few years (my parents married in 1964), it was just the 4 of us.

No, by being a young child of the 60s, I would not be able to be at protests or travel around in a VW bug.  My first memory (at almost 3) is my mom picking me up and putting me in front of our big TV and saying "This Is Important." It was July 20th, 1969.  (Do you know what was so important?) So I was alive for some of the big events of the 1960s, including the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy.  And I was alive when Richard Nixon was elected. (And when he resigned.)  But I didn't really know anything about it until I was in junior high and high school, many years later.  And although I was alive during much of Vietnam War, I didn't really realize it.  In fact, by the time I really "knew" about the Vietnam War, everyone acted like it had been so long ago. But I didn't get to wear those cool dresses that the women wore in 1960s or the gloves or the hats.  I didn't get to  wear flowers in my hair.

No, I was a child of the 70s really.  And still too young to do things to "change the world." As a kid, we did talk about not littering. A lot as I recall. (Anybody else remember "Give a hoot, don't pollute!") But there was little else that I remember about any other social and culural issues of the 1970s.

The kids weren't listening to folk music then.  They listened to stuff like Bread. (Not my parents, of course, we were still listening to folk music at home.  Although my parents had added the folk country singer - John Denver - to their collection.) We sang "Time In A Bottle" at one of my chorus concerts.  And then at the end of the decade, kids were listening to stuff like - disco.  Thankfully, for a very short time, and thankfully, before I really became a teenager.

The only 70s fashion that I wore was LOTS of plaid. (At least I wasn't the only kid. When you look at my school pictures from elementary school, it is a big sea of blue/orange/purple/green/red/pink plaid.) At my elementary school anyway, we weren't wearing bell bottoms or halter tops. More like Toughskins jeans and polyester plaid shirts.

And so by the time I was a teenager and a young adult, it was the 1980s.  The 80s were NOT a decade like the 1960s.  Or even the 1970s.  It was all about technology. And money. And NOT doing things the "old fashioned way." It was about being better than the next person - in one way or another.  It was about excess and greed. 

But even though I had my collar up and had a boombox, the 80s didn't fit me.  I was, even back then, into wanting to fight for what I believed, but I seemed to be the only one who didn't agree with the "older" generation.  I still wanted to be like the Lorax and but my friends just laughed at me.  I fit more in the naturalness of the 1960s and the back to basics of the 1970s, but I couldn't find hardly anyone who was like me. 

And so, eventually, I mostly gave up.  I did, however, very quietly, very personally, protest against the things that didn't fit me in the 1980s.  And the 1990s.  And I read.

And things gradually changed. Oh, not back to the 1960s or the 1970s. And I don't think that is bad either.  I, and my family, still have plenty of technology in our lives, mostly for the good.  And my daughters sometimes wear skinny jeans (I, thankfully for the general public in my city, do NOT. LOL) But I see that spark in people coming back where they are willing to fight for what fits THEM- and I mean all kinds of people from all ends of the political spectrum.  I see people who care about the land again and their food and where things come from.  I see people who want to have less.  I see people who want to know how to make things and not just always buy things.  I see people who do things because they are passionate about it and not because it will make them the most money.  And I see people trying to do more to HELP each other and not just look out for themselves.

And I'm trying to teach my children the good from this time.  I want them to realize they can have a voice.  They can question the status quo.  I want them to be able to look at all the options that they have in these times.  I want to show my children that even during times of economic struggle, there is much good. I want to show my children that I am willing to do what I am passionate about and that they can too. I want to show my children that there are things that we have now that can make their lives easier and bring us closer.  I want to teach my children to fight for what would do the most good for the world,  and not necessarily because it is part of one side's agenda or the other.

And I make them listen to a little "Puff The Magic Dragon" now and again too. :)

Balance

Balance, it is a tricky thing. It doesn't take much, and then it is all of sudden, all on one side and none on the other.

I fight for balance All.The.Time.  And even when things are in good balance, I still long for the things that I can't/don't have time/talent/ to do.  It certainly doesn't help that I'm a pretty black & white person either.  And it doesn't help that I have a tendency to compare myself to others and see how I'm doing much less & not as well as others appear to be doing.

I try to focus on OUR version of Simple Living and I try to keep things in the kind of balance that seems to work for us.

* Our version is square foot gardening at my house, in my smallish yard.   Our version is one where I focus on food that we will eat, food that I can preserve, and food that will grow in the space limitations. Our version is one where I will use broccoli and cabbage on the side of my house for "landscaping."

* Our version is trying to eat whole/gluten-free/dairy free foods while still struggling with a child who would prefer to eat fast food. Or pop tarts. A child who doesn't like spaghetti. Or oatmeal. And struggling with a husband who doesn't mind eating like this sometimes, but maybe not all the time.  A husband who struggles with not being able to just find something that he doesn't have to fix when he only has 20 minutes before he needs to leave.

* Our version is trying to eat whole/gluten-free/dairy free foods while struggling with trying to find the time to cook things from scratch.  To remember to soak the beans the night before.  To remember to thaw the chicken. To have time to do the chopping, the stirring, the simmering, when it would be so much easier to just buy something ready-made. Our version is one where I plan menus so that at least I have a place to start and it seems less overwhelming.

* Our version is where I buy almost all of our clothes at thrift stores, and rarely have time to sew any clothes. Our version is one where I have time to sew pajamas and Halloween costumes. And headbands. And blankets.

* Our version is where I didn't have time to crochet my kids' cute sweaters and hats until they were too old to wear cute sweaters and hats.  And a version where I didn't learn to knit cute sweaters and hats until they were too old to wear cute sweaters and hats.  But our version does include lots of crocheted dishcloths.

* Our version is one where we are always struggling with money.  More specifically, the lack of money.  And the never ending question of how to best spend the money that we do have. 

* Our version includes making most of our cleaning supplies out of baking soda and vinegar, but still buying dishwasher and sometimes laundry soap.  Our version includes making our own bar soap, but for now, still buying shampoo and conditioner.

* Our version is buying local and seasonal food, but not being able to afford to buy as much meat as I'd like. Or as much organic produce. Because of that lack of money thing again.  And that question of where to best spend the money we do have thing.

* Our version includes some nice wood bookcases. And quality kitchenware. Our version includes wood toys and cloth dolls.  But our version includes LOTS of cheap furniture.  Our version doesn't include organic mattresses. Or organic bedding. Our version includes Legos. And Rescue Heroes.  And two American dolls.

* Our version is one where we have space for play outside and art supplies and games and musical instruments, but we also have a TV. And an Xbox. And a Blu-ray. And a desktop computer. And a laptop. And a netbook. And a smartphone.

* Our version includes us doing lots of walking/biking, etc. and our city has many resources that are close to our house.  But our version also includes two cars and neither is a hybrid.  Our version includes us using a car most days for one reason or another.

* Our version includes no wall or shelf decorations/knicknacks, etc.  Our version includes donating things that we aren't using. Our version includes recycling. But our version also manages to have plenty of "things" in our 4 bedroom 2000 square foot home.

* Our version includes having children that are involved in lots of extracurricular activities - Oldest is in several school clubs, Girl Scouts, a youth choir, and a church youth group.  Middle is involved in competitive swim team practice 4-5 times a week, a library program, Girl Scouts, and a children's choir.  Youngest is in swimming lessons, a library program, and children's choir.  Summer is Swim Team for all of them. 

* Our version has included homeschooling and public schooling and various combinations.

* Our version has included me working a couple of mornings a week doing preschool, 5 mornings a week doing preschool, 5 mornings a week doing preschool and working 20 hours a week in the evenings, and 5 days a week doing preschool/daycare/homeschool.  And 5 days a week of doing preschool/daycare/homeschool AND 15 hours a week of writing/training and 10-15 hours a week working on SLITC. 

* Our version has included time when I didn't do a Simple Thing for 3-4 months because Simple Living seemed too hard.  Our version has included times when I was even more Simple than we are now, but it seemed too hard.

So if you see me, and think that I have it all, I don't.  If you think I live a balanced life, well, I might be then, but it might be out of whack the next day. And it is OUR balance too. Other families might concentrate more on certain things and less on others, and that is o.k.  And I need to remind myself that it is also o.k. that our balance isn't other people's balance too.

It is Valentine's Day and nothing says Valentine's Day like

LOVE!

I'm all about lists lately, so I'm making a list of things that I love. 

1 - well, of course, my family.  Mr. Simple, Flower, Jelly Bean, Super.  What would I do without all of you? And of course, little Christopher too.  We love and miss you! And my mom and dad, my sister and two brothers.  And my in-laws and other extended family.  Big Hugs!

2 - My friends.  Too many to list here.  But so many of you have helped me in so many ways.  And if you think you've never helped me, trust me, you have. If nothing else, you've helped put a smile on my face, and trust me, some days, that is HUGE.

3 - I'm loving my new kitchen stuff! I've got quality knives for the first time in my adult life.  I always thought that spending money on knives was silly.  And a waste.  I plan on having these knives for the rest of my life and I'm glad that I finally invested in something.  And the stainless steel pots and stoneware.  I've used that stuff daily since I got it.  How did I live without it??

4 - I love Netflix.  I know. It sounds funny.  But I love that I can watch old TV shows, some of which I never watched the first time around, and all without commercials.  And my kids love Netflix too.  And all for less than $10 a month.  Love it!

5 - I love wool.  It helps make winter bearable.  Well, almost.  But it certainly helps.

6 - I love to run.  I'm saying this here to remind myself.  I haven't run in way too long.  Running has helped me so many times.  It has made made me strong. It has given me somewhere safe to go when I had nowhere else but to that place I go when I run.  It has helped me see so many beautiful things in the outdoors. 

7 - I love to cook.  I didn't used to.  In fact, I used to dislike it.  Quite a bit.  But now, I get a big kick out of taking ingredients and putting it together and making something yummy.  I also love that you can make something at home that tastes way better than something that you buy at the store.

8 - I love Swiss Miss hot chocolate.  Sorry, it had to be said.  And York Peppermint patties.  And Diet Pepsi.  I'm all about whole, natural foods, but I love these things in all their processed glory too. :)

9 - I love writing. I love training.  Funny how you love something more when you have been away from it for a long time and all of a sudden, it is back in your life.  But I'm also loving learning how to combine in it my life today.  And that includes working around my family.  And combining with Simply Living In The City.

10 - I love my life.  Today anyway.  LOL.  No, really.  There have been tons of times when I didn't.  Lots of days when I felt like things were unfair for me. And they were. I've had my share (and sometimes more) of bad things happen.  And things are far from perfect too.  Our money situation isn't perfect.  My kids aren't perfect. I'm not perfect. But I'm at a place where I'm happy and grateful and looking towards the future.

So this weekend

Whitney Houston died.  She was only 48.  I listened to her music, often, when I was so very young, but not.  (I was just starting college.)  I'm not going to discuss anything about the circumstances of her death though, and I am wish her family comfort and strength during their time of loss.

However, her death has brought up something that has been something that I've been dealing with for years. 

Maybe it is because my first funeral was for a little girl who was 8, just like me at the time. Maybe it is because my dad had a very major heart attack when he was 38 and I was just 11.  (He is still alive though.  Amazing, really.) Maybe it is because the Boy died when I was 18.  Maybe it is because I went to a dear friend's daughter's funeral when I was still in my early 20s.  His daughter was just a year old and died of SIDS. 

I don't know.  But I've been thinking about death, specifically my death, for a long time. 

Like in an obsessive sort of way.  Like when I get in the car, I wonder if this is going to be the time that I don't come back home.  Like when I write things on a piece of paper, I wonder if I should throw it away so that nobody sees it after I'm dead.  Or if I should clean my house that morning because if I don't, maybe I'll die and the EMTs and all my friends and relatives would come over and see what a slob I was.

I must say, The Boy did both help and hurt this kind of thinking.  I think, honestly, it was mostly the beginning of it.  The little 8 year old girl.  It was sad, and awful, but she had been sick for awhile with cancer and so there seemed to be a reason.  The Boy - it was just being at the wrong place at the wrong time.  I'm sure that there were things that he had regrets about, but he also had to know that he had done much to help so many other people.  He had almost an annoying habit of wanting to help everybody.  He always wanted to make others feel good about themselves (well, except for the time that he broke up with me.  For a year.  I guess he got over it then.  LOL) He was also so funny.  He could make me laugh, even when I didn't want to.  And most importantly, he could make me see that there was more to life than the little tiny detail that I was stressing about that really wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things.  He taught me that true friendship was more important than most things.  He taught me a lot.  And then he died. He was almost 20.  Much too young to die.

And so it began, probably, way back then.  At first, I was just thinking about death in terms of "I just want to die so I can be with him." or "I better be perfect so that I can be with him." or "I just want to die because I am so tired of being without him." or I just want to die because I'm so tired of hurting."

I didn't die that first year afterwards though.  The 2nd year afterwards, I tried.  Not in that way, but I lived a pretty self-destructive life that next year.  I'm still amazed that I survived. 

And then there were "the lost years" as I call them.  I am in contact with ONE, yes, ONE person who I knew over the next 5 years.  (Well, that doesn't include my family.  Who thankfully put up with me.)  I was sad and lost and destructive and lonely. For 5 years.  I remember thinking back then that I couldn't believe that this is what life was like.  It seemed like living like this for another 50 -60 years would be nothing short of torture.  But I didn't die then either.

And I then I moved.  And I met people. And I did things. And I was happier.  But I still thought about Death.  More than the usual person, probably.  I told a friend around this time "I think I'll probably die before I'm 34."  I hoped that I would at least find someone else to love before I died.

And at 28, I did find someone.  And we got married.  And 4 months into our marriage, I almost died.

Mr. Simple was driving and I was talking to him.  There was a stoplight coming up, and it was yellow already, so he slowed down and was coming to a stop and then all of a sudden, I noticed we were spinning.  And then there was glass everywhere.  And I couldn't really move.  We had been hit from behind when we were almost stopped by a semi-truck that was going 65 miles (which was at least 20 miles more than the speed limit) hour.  He tried to go around, and ended up smashing into my side of the car and the seats fell back on the crumpled part of the car, and I came down, on my neck on the headrest of the car, which was now bent at a 90 degree angle.  They thought I'd broke my neck.  But I didn't.  I just stretched all the muscles in my upper back and neck area so much that I needed physical therapy for a year.  But I didn't die then.

But my thinking got worse for a few years after that.  I kept thinking that I would die - falling off the train platform in Chicago, or in a plane crash.  Or something way more random like a bucket falling off the window washer's platform from 40 feet up and landing on my head.  I know, it is funny.  Sort of.

And then I become a mother.  And even funny ways of dying don't seem that funny.  No mother wants to miss seeing her children's lives.  No mother wants to leave her children, especially when they are young. And I've known women, women who got cancer and died. Or women who were in car accidents.  And so when I think of dying, it is almost painful now.  Now I don't want to die.  Ever.

I know, after all these years of thinking that I will die young, then I'll end up dying at 90.  And I know, that at 45, I'm not as young as I used to, although still young enough.  And maybe, I should spend more time thinking about the good things that I've learned from all those I know (and even don't know) that die young.

1 - Try.  You may be able to reach goals that are higher than you can imagine.
2 - Always tell people that you love them. 
3 - Forgive. 
4 - Laugh often. 
5 - Don't take the small things too seriously. 
6 - Don't put things off. 
7 - Be honest.
8 - Help others. 
9 - Smile and say Thank You.  Often.
10 - Have Fun, Do Good.

Simply Living and Simply Talking?

I was reading this blog lately and I was reading the post about how she doesn't really like to talk that much. 

And it made me think about myself.

I've always loved to write.  And when I was a kid, I strongly preferred writing to talking.  Well, let me clarify that.  I didn't mind talking to grown-ups.  Or people who were older than I was.  But people in my class? No. I didn't love to talk to kids my own age.

Not that I thought that I was better than them.  I just couldn't think of anything to say to them.  And so often, kids were already talking to each other and I didn't want to have to interrupt, especially if I couldn't think of anything to say in the first place.  But I never had the problem with people older than me.  I could always think of something to say to them.  And they (probably) humored me and talked to me and I loved that.  People from my grade school/junior high/high school probably would describe me as nice, but quiet.  (Or weird and quiet.  I'm not sure.)

College and early adulthood was hard for me.  Now, I was around my peers a lot.  And I also had the pressure of wanting to meet someone to go out with/to marry/to have babies with, which was more situations where you know, you had to talk to someone.  I retreated to my studies or my work and would sometimes go days without having a social conversation.

Things got a little better as I muddled through my mid-twenties.  And then, at 28, I met Mr. Simple.  And you are thinking "Oh, and he is really gregarious, etc. and brought you out of your shell." Nope.  He knows LOTS of people and so he is forever running into people he knows, and so he is a friendly person, but in most ways, he is just like me.  He isn't the person who starts a conversation in a group.  He doesn't have long phone conversations. 

But I liked talking to him :) And we fell in love and got married.  But I still wasn't a big talker.  Certainly not in groups.  Certainly not in front of people I didn't know.  Certainly not in groups of people my age.

And then I had kids.  And you are thinking "Oh, and that is when things changed."

And you would be right. 

Somehow, once I became a mom, I talked to other moms.  About all kinds of stuff. Stuff I never imagined that I would talk about with other people.  And that was a great first step.  I finally was talking to my "peers."

And I'd go places and I felt like I fit in more because I had something in common with most people in the room.  I had a child.  (But trust me, I'm not one of those people who would talk ONLY about my kid at say, a Christmas business party or whatever.) But something about becoming a mom just made me more comfortable about being around other people. 

Also, at the same time I had my first child, I become a computer software trainer.  And almost every day for 4 years, I was up in front of people talking.  And I was the expert! I was the person that had answers to their questions (well, I didn't always have the answers, but most of the time I did!) After 4.5 years of that, I had lost any hesitation about talking in front of a group.

So now, 12 years after I had my first child?

Well, my kids, for sure, think I'm a talker.  In fact, they talk about how embarrassing it is that I carry on a 3-4 minute conversation with the clerk at Target or how I'll sit and chat with someone that I just met at Farmers Market. 

And I'd have to say I'm a talker too.  I love, of course, talking to people who live a similar lifestyle to mine, but I love talking to people who don't too.  I just love to hear how people approach life.  How they think. How they get through the day.

Of course, I love to write too.  I've written here for a few years.  I've written in journals off and on over the years.  I've written stories and I've written poems. 

But I think at this point, if I had to choose between writing and talking, I'd choose talking.

How I have changed since I started writing on this blog . . .

I have a friend who was recently celebrating her 43rd birthday (youngster LOL.  I'm 45!) and she was complaining about how she had noticed that she needed to use reading glasses sometimes.  And we were laughing and saying how she needed a chain so she could wear them around her neck, like my piano teacher always did. 

I was thinking that I wasn't 40 when I started this blog, but you know what? I was! I was actually just turned 42! I started this blog way back in August of 2008.  Sometimes, that sounds like a lifetime ago, and sometime it sounds like it was just a few months ago.

So how have I changed in the past few years?

- Well, workwise, things have only recently changed, and not completely.  Back in 2008, I had recently started having full-time daycare students instead of just teaching preschool out of my home.  I'm still doing daycare/preschool now, but I've been doing some freelance training and I'm working to so that Simply Living In The City will be its own business (classes, online store and book!)

- Speaking of Simply Living In The City, I think I knew that I wanted to do something like that way back in 2008, but didn't really understand how to make it a reality.  Plus, I was relatively new to the "simple living" scene myself.  I was still trying to find my way and discover how to make the simple life work for our family.

- Mr. Simple's work has changed over the years.  In 2008, he was in his 8th year of working as a fire inspector/public safety officer for our city's fire department.  In 2010, he took another job working as a manager of media relations for a large company (no, not THAT large company in my city), and then he became unemployed in June of 2011.  But he has since started his own business, and is doing quite well! In 2008, he was also broadcasting for the local arena football team, and he continues to do that as well as starting as the broadcaster for the basketball team too.

- My kids (sniff!) have grown up a lot since August 2008.  Super was 3, almost 4 when I started and Jelly Bean was 6, and Flower was 8, almost 9.  Now they are 7, newly 10, and 12! I don't have "little" kids anymore. They are still mostly "simple" kids though.  Flower has an iPod Touch (that she bought herself) and we were gifted a Kinect by a generous family member in December, but my kids still LOVE to play outside, still LOVE to read, still LOVE to make gifts and still LOVE to spend hours drawing (especially Jelly Bean.)  But lest you think that they are "simply perfect", they also appear to LOVE to annoy each other too. :)

- When I started blogging, I was starting out my first year of homeschooling and it was just Flower.  The next year, it was Jelly Bean and Flower.  Last school year, it was just Jelly Bean. And this school year? Everyone is in public school.  I miss homeschooling.  I still, every once in awhile, wonder if we made the right decision.

- I have really made great strides in living a simple life that fits OUR life.  Which for us, means thrifting for clothes and housewares.  Buying less.  And when we do, it is a NEED.  And it is something that fits our lifestyle, so it probably means that it is quality.  And natural materials.  But bought as frugally as possible.  Eating whole foods.  Using our cars less and walking and biking more.  Learning how to make things.  Like dairy products.  Soap.  Dishcloths. Mustard. Tomato sauce :)  Learning to make the best use of our space inside and outside of our home.  Coming to peace with living in THIS home and in THIS city. 

- When I started this blog, we had just started digging out of the financial hole we were in.  Being mostly debt-free still seemed impossible.  And we only had one car back then (and it was not paid for either.) Now we have two cars (both paid for), and no debt besides our mortgage.  We pay cash for everything.  We save up if we don't have all the money.  Or we decide we don't need it.
- I have had bumps in my relationships in the past few years.  But I'm pleased to say that I haven't lost a relationship with anyone. (At least I don't think so!) Some have faded a little, and some I'm still trying to figure things out, some are new, and some are stronger than ever.

- I've had some loss over the years.  I lost our son to stillbirth, actually a few months before I started this blog.  I'm not as sad as I was in those early days of his loss, but I still think of him every day.  And I still wish that he had lived.  I lost my grandmother in September 2009.

- I have had some health problems over the years.  I had a heart scare in early 2010 and then I lost a bunch of weight in 2010 and 2011.  Also in 2010 and early 2011, I was dealing with terrible allergies & sinus infections.  And I was diagnosed with skin cancer in 2010 and had it removed in early 2011.  And I was diagnosed with Meniere's in Fall of 2010.  And 2011 was the year that I got tendinitis.  And burned 25% of my body.  Here is to hoping to a healthier 2012!

- There have been other changes, in particular one that took place in 2011, but I'm not ready to share about EVERYTHING yet.  Baby steps.  I didn't used to share anything personal here, and so I've made changes with sharing things more here too, I guess.

But I am happier.  Happier than I was in 2008.  And we are better off financially than we were in 2008.  And we are simpler too.  Oh, and older too. But I still don't need reading glasses. :)

This will probably be my last post . . . of 2011

Knowing me, and my life, I probably won't get back here tomorrow.  And I have a moment to post right now, so I thought I would.

2011.  It was an interesting year.  I lost a lot of weight in 2011, but I'll be honest, I've put a little back on. 

Which goes to the second thing of 2011.  Instead of illness this year, this was the year of injuries.  I was doing fantastic with exercise until May of 2011.  Great.  I was running and I was doing my Body Combat classes and my Body Pump classes.  Loved it. And then I got tendinitis in my foot.  And despite trying to cut back and using anti-inflamatories, it still hurt. All the time.  So I decided to take a little break from exercise.  Just for June.  And maybe July.  It would have been fine. Except that I burned myself at the end of July.  Then I couldn't exercise for another two months.  Now, it would be September.  And I did go a few times in September.  But then, I had outpatient surgery in October.  I'd really start again in November.  Except then, I got crazy busy.  So here it is the end of 2011, and I really haven't regularly since early May. Ugh. But I have a plan.  And I will get back to it.  I was so consistent in 2010 and half of 2011. I know that I can get back to my exercise plan.  And it is so much easier for me to follow a healthy food plan when I'm exercising.

The kids went back to public school this year.  That has been different.  I don't know if I'll homeschool again.  I miss it a lot, but I always said that I wanted to do what is right for my kids.  But I'm hoping that it isn't totally the end.  I mean, Super is only in first grade, so if it is the right thing for him, maybe we will homeschool at some point.  Speaking of the kids, maybe I should update a little about them.

Flower? She is 12.  And in 6th grade.  And a great kid, really.  But I definitely see glimpses of teenager-hood coming through.  And she bought herself an iPod Touch this Christmas.  And the texting has begun. But she still likes to hang out with her family.  And she still loves to read.  And she still loves to sing. 

Jelly Bean.  Hmm.   It has been a busy year for her.  She is in 4th grade and has homework for the first time in her life. She started competitive swimming in September and she practices 4 times a week.  She is moving up to the next level next month and then her practices will move from an hour to two hours.  I worry a little about burn out, but she LOVES it and says that swimming is the only thing that makes her happy, so for right now, we are going ahead.  She turned 10 this month.  I can't believe she is already a whole decade!

Super.  Maybe I should rename him Super Wild.  No, he isn't that bad.  Most of the time anyway.  He loves Super Heroes now. A lot. So his blog name is more fitting than it used to be.  He is forever jumping off things too.  And he loves to create things out of scraps.  He calls them "his inventions." He used to make "inventions" by connecting his toys together in various ways. Quite the creative little guy.

I don't have resolutions exactly for 2012.  But I do have a checklist/to do list/plans for 2012.  Is that the same as resolutions? I don't know. A lot of it has to do with SLITC and turning it into a business. And then most of the rest has to do with incorporating simple living even more into my life.  But a big item on my to do list is to learn to enjoy myself more.  Relax sometimes.  Laugh more. Try not to be so serious all the time.  Make more time for friends.  Make more friends.  And maybe sleep more too. :)

It could have been much worse.

There is another reason why I didn't post much during August besides the fact that we were having a crazy busy summer.

I burned myself.

Not just a little one on my finger, or the side of my hand, from touching the oven rack when I was taking out a pizza or something.

This was second degree burns. On 25% of my body.

It was the night before the Swim Team Awards Banquet. It was our first evening in two months that we hadn't had either evening swim practice or a swim meet. We were going to have dinner, at home, with everybody.

So I decided to cook up some of the green beans that I had picked from the garden, just that day. I put a quart or so of water in my dutch oven, and let the water boil, and then I threw the green beans in for a couple minutes. My kitchen is TINY. (Have I ever mentioned that? LOL) And there really isn't even a full step between the stove and the sink. So I took the handle of the pot and was just going to drain the water off the beans into the sink. This is where everything went wrong.

As I turned to the sink, I splashed some of the boiling water on my right hand. In reaction to that, I dropped the pot. On the top of my right foot. The water then splashed up on my right shin and then the pot tipped over on the linoleum floor. Now I was standing in boiling hot water. I went to move out of the water, and I slipped. And fell into the water. On my right hip.

It was SO hot. I got up immediately and stood up out of the water. I think I started screaming next. By that time, Mr. Simple had heard the pot drop and came to investigate and saw me. He took me and put me in the bathtub in cool water.

It would feel better for a second when the skin was in the water, but if I lifted my foot or leg out of the water, it would feel like it was burning all over again. And it would start to blister. I knew my hip hurt, but I thought it was just bruised from the fall. I asked Mr. Simple to look at it and it was then that he decided that we needed to go to the hospital. (If you ever get burned on your hip, and are wondering what to wear to the hospital, I'm telling you, the best thing is a swim suit cover up. I was able to be modest, and yet, I could hold the material away from my hip.)

The trip to the hospital was not one that I would like to relive ever again. Especially because I couldn't even sit, and I was in SOOO much pain. But we live very close to the hospital thankfully, and so the ride was short at least.

We got there and if you ever want to get quick service at the hospital, say that you have been burned. Wow. They got me back to a room and gave me a shot of pain meds right away. Then a dr. came in and accessed the situation, and then after the pain meds had kicked in, they put the burn medication cream (Silvadene) on everything. And then gave me more pain meds. After 3 hours, they sent me home with more pain meds and instructions on how to change the dressings.

The next few days were a blur. I slept a lot. But then by Friday, Mr. Simple had to go out of town and I had to watch the kids on my own AND change my dressing on my own. As it turned out, I had to have a good friend (very good! She had to look at my burn and my half naked body! ACK!) change my dressing on Friday and then on Saturday, I ended up back at PromptCare because my hip area was starting to get infected and so I had to go there and have them look at it and change the dressing. Plus, they gave me a heavy duty anti-inflammatory, which actually helped more with the pain that the opiate medication I had been taking.

I had a burn check with my regular dr. a week out and two weeks out. After a week, my foot was doing very well. By two weeks, both my shin and foot were almost completely healed. My hip area, on the other hand, was deeper and a much larger burned area, and so even after two weeks, was not that healed. But he said that he thought that it would be by a month out, and sure enough, at the one month mark, I was dressing and pain free everywhere, including my hip.

I will always have scarring on my hip, and probably a little scarring on my shin. (I joked to my dr. that my swimsuit model career is over now! LOL) I have to keep all the burned areas out of the sun until next June.

But it could have been worse. It could have been SO much worse.

I have the best family and friends. That is CERTAIN. I had so much help during this time. I could not have done it without them. And I have a whole new respect for cooking and have and will be more careful. I have a very tiny glimpse of what it would be like to have a major burn and for those people, I am so sorry and you are AWESOME because there is just so much to have to deal with when it comes to burns.

Please be careful. Be extra careful. I have been cooking for years and even done canning and yet I burned myself with just a small amount of boiling water. If I had ever imagined how I would burn myself, I never envisioned that it would be because I was cooking some green beans.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming . . .

And that is what we did most of this summer. For the 3rd year in a row at least one of the kids were on our local Parks and Rec team. In fact, this year, all three joined the team. I was a little worried that Super (age 6) wasn't ready, but I shouldn't have. He did great! They all had a great summer. It kept us busy, that is certain, but it is great exercise and fun and lets them set goals and all of that too!

Here are some pictures from the 2011 Sharks season:

Excited to be starting! The kids had been asking all winter and spring "When does Swim Team Start?"

Super earned the nickname "Lightning." Why? Because he has SPEED of course!

Jelly Bean with her coach

I have some videos of the actual swimming, but I don't want to bog things down too much here, especially since I would have to post a video of each of them. But trust me, they can actually swim, ok? :)

Super with his coach/head coach AND the championship trophy! Yep, the Sharks won conference for the second year in a row!

And here is Super! I was worried he wasn't ready for swim team? Well, there he is wearing all of his conference medals AND he won MVP for the 6 and under boys! Go Super!!!!

All three of our swimmers with their medals, certificates, and trophies along with the championship trophy.

The season was exhausting, but the kids already miss it! Well, only 9 more months until it starts again!! Will they three-peat? You will just have to stay tuned!

Our Family Has Talent!

I have so much to blog about, but before school starts again on Thursday (this summer went WAY too fast this year!) I figured that I'd at least post the videos from the Talent Show at our local elementary school. Yes, it was in May. As in 3 months ago. I'm telling you, this summer just whizzed by. (Neither video is very long. Super's is under a minute, and Flower's is under 2 minutes.)

We have a little family tradition that each of our kids performs "God Bless America" in the Talent Show when they are in Kindergarten. I wasn't sure if Super would go for it, but he did! And he did a great job! It is hard to see him in the video, but you can hear him.

And Flower, well, she was in a TON of stuff for the talent show. She sang a Taylor Swift song with 3 of her friends, and did 3 dance numbers with the entire 5th grade, and sang with the Chorus. But the video that I put up her is of her singing Miley Cyrus' song "The Climb." Now, I know I am her mom, and I know I am biased, but I thought she did a GREAT job. And I love the crowd interaction. And sorry, you can't see her very well either, but you can hear her.

Jelly Bean was homeschooled, so she wasn't in the Talent Show, but she had an AWESOME year. Really, really great. She loves Math and Art, and had a great time going to Gym N' Swim at the YMCA this year. I'll post some of her pictures soon. She was very into painting this year.

So do you miss me posting yet?

Summer's are crazy for us around here. The kids are in Swim Team - this year all the kids, even Super, are on the team, and it seems like we are always at practice or at a meet. Practices are M-F from 7:00 to 8:30 am and 5:00 to 6:30 pm. And meets on most Tuesdays and Thursdays evenings. So that's where I've been quite a bit of the time.

Then, I no longer teach preschool really. It has morphed into daycare. During the school year, for the 2-5 year olds, I do do preschool activities from 9 am to 11 am, but during the summer, we do mostly free play. And I have a school age child that is here full-time for the summer. So when I'm not at swimming practice/meets, I am watching my own 3 kids plus 3-5 other children from ages 7 to 1.

Then I haven't had much to blog about in terms of holidays. We did go to Bass Lake for both Memorial Day and 4th of July, but I didn't take any pictures. And then, to completely add to my lameness, I didn't even watch the fireworks this year. I wasn't feeling well, so I just stayed back and went to bed early. I know. COMPLETELY lame. Can you even imagine what a fuddy duddy I'll be by the time I get into my 60s? Or even my 50s? Sheesh.

I have been doing lots of gardening, and I SHOULD post some pictures of that. Let's just say that the Square Foot Gardening has been a 90% smashing success! And I love that the garden is just steps away from my back door. And the weeding has been almost non-existent! Mostly just green beans are being harvested in my garden right now, but it is nice to be able to just go out every night and pick a cup of green beans for dinner! I planted green beans successively, so I'll be harvesting green beans for the next 8 weeks or so. And I'll be starting to preserve them soon. I'm hoping that between my garden and picking some up at farmer's market that I'll be able to can about 36 pints and freeze about 10 quart bags. Speaking of preserving, I made pickled beets this year! And they are good!

Sometimes, I really can't believe how different I live than just a few years ago. I always wanted to do less formal activities and do more with gardening and preserving and all of that, but just didn't. And now, 2-3 years later, it is just a part of regular routine. And for Super, who is 6, it is just mostly what he knows. He doesn't remember when I didn't make our own pickles and spaghetti sauce. When I didn't shop at farmer's market most Saturdays. When most of our food doesn't come out of a box. When we didn't spend most of our time together doing "whatever."

All right, next time I get here (which probably won't be until August. Just being honest.), I'll try and post pictures. Pictures of swim team. Pictures of the garden. Pictures of canning and dehydrating and freezing.

Oh, and did I tell you I picked up a great Summer Recipe book at the thrift store.

You know, there really are many things that I enjoy about my life. :)

I should have known better . . . .

I last blogged a couple weeks ago about how I had a plan.

And then life happened.

If life was fair, then I would be able to have some semblance of control. However, life is NOT fair, and as it sometimes seems to be the case, my life seems to be fairly often, NOT fair, and so fairly often, things are outside of my control.

My big plan was to go back to school in Fall 2012 and get my masters degree in English. I'd stop doing daycare then, and I'd get an assistantship, and I'd take classes, and learn things, and in the end, I'd graduate with a degree that is actually useful, especially in the city that I live in.

And then after I got my degree, I'd teach English 101, etc. at the local community college. I'd talked with the director of the Writer Program over at the community college (she is a friend from way back in the day) and she said that they have openings all the time for adjunct English instructors. I could teach two or three sections, I'd have summers off if I wanted, I'd make about the same money that I'm making now but working a lot less hours, and I'd be using my skills. It would be great.

Yep.

Except that it probably isn't going to happen. Well, it still might, but I've got a much more pressing problem right now.

Mr. Simple lost his job last week.

UGH.

So now, everything is on hold. Even the gardening. I mean, I have 4 raised beds and I've planted things, and I'm even harvesting things already, but I wanted to build at least one more 4 x 4 bed, two 2 x 4 bed now, and another 4 x 4 bed in the fall. For now, I'll just need to be grateful for the beds that I got in, and use the food from the garden wisely and be grateful for the produce.

Speaking of thankful, I am thankful for lots of things right now. I'm glad that I do have food storage. I'm grateful that we are very frugal already. I'm glad that we are pretty minimalist already. I'm glad that we are fairly self-reliant. I'm glad that there was a free clothing exchange today and I was able to get Super a bunch of clothes for the summer and fall that he needed.

But mostly, I'm glad that Mr. Simple and I have wonderful friends and family. It is comforting to know that we have love and support during times of crisis.

Mr. Simple is applying for jobs and we are hopeful that he will find something soon. I will also be looking and applying for jobs soon. We are hopeful that one or both of us can find something relatively quickly.

And back to that dream . . .

It was just a dream, you know. I HAVE done things with my life. And if nothing else, I always muddle through. Maybe not always happily. But I don't give up. We WILL get through this.

And maybe I will get back to school, maybe even by Fall 2012. Or maybe I won't. My life hasn't gone according to MY plan yet. :)

So I had a dream a few weeks ago . . .

and you know it had to be memorable if I still remember it now. But anyway.

Oh, but before I go on, I MUST share that my 11 year old is trying to set a new world record in forgetfulness. Was I seriously that forgetful at 11? I mean, it is out of control. ANYWAY, back to the dream.

In my dream. I was having an interview with my old boss. The only boss that I've had twice - I was looking for a summer internship as a techical writer and Tim interviewed me and hired me as an intern for the summer of 1993. Then he asked me to stay on as on contract until August 1994. And then he hired me back in 1996 and I worked there until December 1997.

So back to my dream. I was having an interview with Tim. He was working someplace new. I was looking for a job and saw a position that looked like I would be qualified for, and I went to the interview and I was surprised to see him there. He told me about what he had been doing for the past 10+ years since I'd seen him and then he asked about me. I told him that I'd worked as a technical writer for another company for a year, and then as a trainer for 4 years, but I'd been teaching preschool/doing daycare/getting a masters degree/being a mom for most of that time.

And then he said it. "You know, I thought you would have done more with your life."

In my dream, I was crushed.

And then I woke up.

And I've been thinking about the dream. A lot.

I do think that what I've done since I last saw my old boss has been important. Especially the mom part.

And it has certainly helped me figure out that "just" having a career is not enough for me. Or is the most important thing to me.

My family is certainly "DOING MORE" in my eyes.

My family certainly is the most important thing to me.

And figuring out how to get through the past few years - emotionally, physically, mentally. That was "doing more" too.


BUT

(you knew there was a but)

it really has made me think more about my "career" too. It has made me think about why I went back to school to get a masters degree, and why it was important for me to finish. It has made me think about the skills that I have that don't involve talking to people that are under 5 feet and under 12 years years old.

And it has made me really think about finding a way to come as close as I can to having it all - a way to still spend time with my children, time forgardening/preserving/sewing/cooking, etc. AND time to do something with training/writing/teaching.

I'm pretty sure I have a plan too. I feel good about it - because now I am getting to be more purposeful with my life. Before, I worked because that is just what you did after you went to college. And then I worked at home because that is what you do when you get laid off and you have a two/three kids at home. I enjoyed it, but I didn't choose my path.

Now, I'm choosing. And I feel happy about the path that I'm choosing.

So thanks Tim. Even if you didn't really say it. And even though it was a mean thing to say. And even if it wasn't even true.