Mitten Strings: Stretching

It's been awhile since I did a chapter on Mitten Strings. This chapter isn't about exercise. It is about trying things that maybe we haven't done before, or that we don't think that we can do.

She relates a story about how she was interested in music as a child, and in 2nd grade, a music teacher came in to find a new crop of students. She said "He went from desk to desk, asking each of us to stand up, in turn, and sing the scale. Those who could carry the tune of do-re-mi would be sent home with notes inviting them to begin violin lessons. He stood at my desk, head down, nodding slowly back and forth as I imagined myself as Julie Andrews, singing with a purity and sweetness that would surely prove me worthy of the violin. "No, no, no," he murmured sadly, moving on to the next desk and to Karen Talarico, who, it turned out could sing on key. And that was that.

How easily children are stopped in their tracks - by a teacher's criticism, another child's taunts, a parent's offhand remark, a friend's thoughtless comment. By the end of my own ninth year, i had been pegged as a bookworm who couldn't sing. So I read stacks of books, kept my mouth shut in public, and stopped moving my body."

But then, when she is a mother, she finds that she needs to stretch. She says "I suddenly found myself forced out of my well-worn identity and back onto the learning curve. My children needed lullabies and, and later, someone to play catch with. A few months ago, Henry decided he wanted to try Rollerblading and he wanted me to go with him. 'Mom,' he said firmly, 'you're almost forty years old! Of course you can do it! I'm trying it and I'm only nine!' He had a point."

I wasn't pigeon holed as a bookworm, although I was one, and I was musically inclined. However, I let the fact that I was VERY average in every extracurricular activity really wear me down. I desperately wanted to be very good, or even the BEST, in at least one thing. Dancing, softball, piano, swimming, volleyball, clarinet, running. Anything. But I never was. And so by high school, I gave it all up except running. I was still pretty average at running, but I loved running, and running was an escape for me during those years. I was also terrible at art. Not just bad. Really terrible. So as soon as I didn't have to do it, I didn't. For years, I didn't do any arts, or any crafts because I figured it was just something that I "couldn't" do.

The author says "Our kids are out there on the front lines all the time, confronting new challenges as they figure out how to make their way in the world. Meanwhile we parents tend to setting into our ruts, doing what we know best: work, commute, eat dinner, go to bed, then get up and do it all over again. We keep everyone feed and on schedule, but how inspiring is that? And is it really the way any of us want to live, stuck in the comfort zone? Watching my sons struggle to master new skills - from shoe tying to dribbling to writing in cursive - I am inspired to push my own boundaries out a bit, to risk a little in order to reap a lot."

My children are inspiring to me. They keep trying when, if I had been them, I would have given up. They take joy in learning new things instead of looking at it as just another opportunity to fail.

She closes the chapter with the following story. "So last night, I performed in my very first concert - for an appreciative audience of two, my husband and my six year old son. 'This is Mom's first time playing music for anyone,' Henry explained by way of introduction,' and she's a little nervous. But I know she'll do fine."

Our children have faith that we can do things, if we will only try. And they are so wise.

From Mitten Strings: Rhythm

One thing that I did when Flower was small was that I tried to set a rhythm to our days. Now, she was a baby, so rhythm was a bit relative. I certainly couldn't count on something being done necessarily at an exact certain time - but we had things that we did at certain times of the day. Things like nursing, playing, singing songs to her before she went to bed, etc.

As she got older, and we added Jelly Bean, and then Super, we would shoot for times on things - Breakfast eaten by 8 am, outside around 10 am, bath time by 6 pm, and in bed/asleep by 7 pm. Some of my friends would say "How can you have your children in bed so early?" Well, there were a few reasons for their early bedtime, most importantly, they were tired. By 7 pm, my children were ready for bed. We did have make our rhythm flow so that this would happen - so dinner happened around 5, and bath was by 6, and stories were started by 6:30. The sun was setting, the stars were coming out and the day was slowly disappearing into night, so they were slowing down their internal rhythm too. They would usually sleep for 11-13 hours. The other main reason that we put our children to bed at 7 pm was so that we had some adult/alone time. I love my children. I enjoy being around them. But I am a better mom and wife if I am able to have some time to talk, to read, to do something without my children before I go to bed at night.

But it isn't just sleep that is part of our rhythm, although it is an important part - there is the routine of three meals eaten at our table, dishes done after dinner, grocery shopping on Saturdays, naps taken after church, stories at bedtime.

Now, if you are a regular reader, you might also know that we got off our rhythm over the summer. It was awful. We got off our rhythm because our life changed for the summer. We were busy with swim team and baseball. We were out later, and we were out more often. But I didn't just modify our rhythm to fit our new routine. I just let go of it all. Did I mention it was awful??

But the worst part of it was when the summer was over, I didn't gratefully embrace our old rhythm. I had let our world of controlled chaos remain instead. I didn't even look at our old rhythm and see if perhaps it needed some tweaking, now that the children were getting a bit older. I just let go.

The author says "But it is a challenge for us to incorporate rhythm into our daily lives. To do so, we must commit ourselves to order and routine; to a slower, more deliberate pace; to intention rather than to happenstance. In other words, we must develop a sense of ritual. Only a few generations ago, human activity was, by necessity, informed by the rhythms of the natural world: we slept when it was dark, rose with the sun, planted and harvested according to the seasons, experienced profound connections between the cosmos and human consciousness. Modern life has severed these connections.

Often enough, I do find myself speeding up, trying to pack too much into too little time. But children find contentment and strength not in the day's array of activities, but in consistency, and in the familiar, homely routines that give each day its shape."

This passage speaks so much to me because it is the way that I want our lives to be - in tune with the natural rhythms, and following simple, familiar routines. I've been slowly trying to find my way back to a rhythm. Thankfully, we've had one before, and I know we can do it again. Thankfully, I have the rhythm of the days and seasons as a guide.

From Mitten Strings: Quiet

The busier and louder my life has gotten, the more I've come to appreciate quiet.

The author says about quiet: "If we are to feed others, we must first be fed ourselves. We must embrace quiet ourselves before we can bring it to our children."

I used to think of quiet as JUST silence. But it doesn't have to be just that. It can mean more creating a more natural, peaceful sound in your home. She quotes a mom who says "If my daughter is listening to tapes of CDs that means she is taking something in instead of generating something of her own. I would rather hear her singing her songs." I think there is room in life for both - but I like the idea of using the quiet as a springboard to create something of your own.

I think that we are so conditioned to listening to something, or someone, that it can be unnerving to really, really just be quiet. But some of my best thoughts have come after that moment of blankness - that moment where my eyes are closed and I just sit. Of course, not every time I sit in the quiet is so dramatic. But even if I don't think of anything, the quiet rejuvenates me and gives me the strength to continue on.

She closes the chapter with this quote:

"When I clear a quiet space for my family, I make room for our souls to grow."

From Mitten Strings: Peace

I long for peace - internally, in my family, in the world. I've had fleeting moments, but for far too much of my life, I've been without peace. Some of my unrest is brought on by myself and my reactions to situations. To life. Probably most of it.

The author of Mitten Strings says:

"It is Sunday afternoon, Jack is curled up in the crook of my arm, having decided to fingerknit a whole ball of yarn while I crochet mitten strings for all of our surviving pairs. We have been quiet, absorbed n our work, for quite some time when he asks, 'This is peace, isn't it?' I agree that it is indeed. 'I love this peace,' he says."

I love peace too. I'm hoping to create more peace - internally, in my family, in the world.

From Mitten Strings: Making The Holidays Simple

I've been thinking a lot about the holidays, and ways that I can make things memorable for my children, but also enjoyable for them. So often, I have grand plans for things that we are going do every night of Advent, and then 6 or 7 days in, the children are whining about it, asking when we are going to be done, etc. Or I decide to build a gingerbread house, only to have them leave after 5 minutes, or erupt into sobs because it won't stand up. Or having me stay up too late, and then yelling at them because I'm so tired, all so that I can make them homemade presents.

This chapter on Simplicity from Mitten Strings had some really helpful suggestions for me to help make the holidays more of what I want to have for my family. Maybe it will be helpful to you too. Here are some excerpts from the chapter:

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"So often, it seems, we are the ones who make our own lives more complicated than they need to be. We set the bar too high, take on too much, turn small doings into big ones. Why settle for food coloring and vinegar when you can make Ukranian easter egg masterpieces? Why stop at birthday cake and ice cream at home when you can rent an indoor playground and invite the whole class? Why spend the Saturday before Christmas sledding with the family when you could all be attending the annual downtown holiday extravaganza?

It is not enough, anymore, to pull together a Halloween costume from the dress-up bin, add a few extra touches, and head out the door to go trick-or-treating. There are decorations to buy, light shows to orchestrate on the front lawn, haunted houses to visit, and a week's worth of pre-Halloween activities to attend.

It takes conviction to say: "This is enough" - whether it be enough holiday events, enough guests at a party, enough presents, or simply enough activities for next Saturday. And it is hard to feel confidence in our own choices, in our own sense of limits, when everyone around is seems convinced that more and bigger is better.

We CAN choose simplicity over complication. And what relief there is in simplicity. Here is a start:

* Downscale holiday celebrations. Keep the focus on family, on meaningful rituals and traditions, and on simple activities. Give fewer gifts, and take more time to enjoy them.

* Set a limit on holiday activities. (One Easter egg hunt is enough!)

* Don't feel guilty about skipping events that everyone else attends. Your children need you and your attention, not more activities.

* Celebrate birthdays in a way that honors the qualities that you love in your child. They don't have to be big productions; make them expressions of love instead: a special meal, an outing with a friend, a birthday ritual carried on year after year.

* Remember that the process is more important for your child than the outcome. Keep the process simple, and your child will enjoy it more.

* Set limits and stick to them. In our house, no one is allowed to wear their Halloween costume until Halloween night. Although it is hard for the kids to wait, it's worth it.

* You don't have to prove anything to anybody. Christmas is not a competition, a seder is not a cooking contest, a birthday doesn't need to be a blowout, a dinner party can be potluck.

* Celebrate small blessings and offbeat occasions. Once, my son and I made a birthday cake for Curious George. Half birthdays are reason enough to enjoy a special meal. For children, every day holds potential for celebration and ceremony - the first day of spring, the first snowfall, the harvest moon. A song, a poem read aloud, a ritual or a special snack - it doesn't take much to create a celebration that affirms life.

In Simplicity there is freedom -

freedom to do less and to enjoy more.

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May there be magic in your holiday season. But let it be the magic that comes from the simple joys of doing things together and just being together.

Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry

I've heard of this book from homeschooling blogs, and then a few months ago, I saw it at the thrift store, and decided to pick it up. It was different than I thought it was going to be, but not in a bad way. It was more of a book about a woman who decided that she wanted to live her life simpler, more deliberately, and more in tune with her family. (Sounds like my kind of book, huh???) I also thought that the book was going to be more about God, based on the title, but there was very little mention of God in the book. Either way would have been fine with me, but in case someone was buying because it was going to be a book from that point of view, I didn't want you to be surprised or if there is someone who is hesitating because they are not looking for a book from that point of view. Anyway, here's a list of the chapters:

1. Dailiness
2. Morning
3. Peace
4. Quiet
5. Simplicity
6. TV
7. Play
8. Secret Places
9. Wants and Needs
10. Stories
11. One On One Time
12. Surrender
13. Breathing
14. Healing
15. Listening
16. Nature
17. Enchantment
18. Grace
19. Rhythm
20. Truth
21. Helping
22. Discipline
23. Stretching
24. Nurturing
25. Sabbath
26. Spirit
27. Balance
28. Choices
29. Wingbeats

The book is 220 pages long. The chapters are short, and so it is a great book for reading during, say, swimming lessons (although we are done for the fall. Lessons don't start up again until the end of January.) or while you are waiting for cookies to cool or something. I'll do a review of a few chapters, but I'd really recommend picking it up, especially if you are a mom of a child/children who are under 12, and if you ever feel like you just need a little more little joyful moments in your life.