Saturday, June 13, 2009

This is not my typical cherry, living simple is wonderful post

Sorry.

But I figured if I can't complain/vent on my own blog, then where can I? If you don't want to listen to me moan and whine, you are free to go ahead and click away from here. I won't be offended.

1. I'm tired of having junky furniture. I know that I'd be mad if the kids wrecked nice furniture, and we don't have the $$ to replace it, but ugh. I'm so tired of scratched-up/cheap/non-wood/ugly furniture.

2. I'm tired of cleaning. To be a little more precise, I'm tired of being the only person who cleans around here. I realize that most of the time, I'm the only grown up in the house, and that most of the cleaning will fall to me, but dang it, most of the messes aren't mine! I'm SOOO sick of walking into a room, and finding random things like a sock, a game piece, a marker, a wet towel, etc. It takes me a half hour to clean up any room because there is one or two things from each room in the house that DON'T belong in that room.

3. I'm tired of my children not listening to me. I might find it slightly more tolerable if they would listen even after the second time I say something. But by the time I get to the third time, I'm starting to get pretty frustrated.

4. I'm tired of being fat. I realize that there are reasons why I'm fat, and things that I could do to change it. But, I'm just saying. I've been fat for entirely too much of my life. I have friends that I've had for 10 years that have never known me at what I think as my "regular" weight.

5. I'm tired of not having enough money. I know that financial people say that even if I did have more, then I would want more money. I promise, I'd be satisfied with just a couple hundred more every month.

6. I'm tired of feeling like don't have options. This is a long-standing problem with me - ask my mom. I am definitely a black/white person, especially when it comes to be life things like school, marriage, career, where to live. Once I get on a path or off a path and onto another, I can't see anything else. Even if I want to be on a different path. Or blend paths. Or even think about another path.

7. I'm tired of being kind of lazy. This sort of goes back to the fat thing. I realize that I could do something about it. And some people would say "Lazy? You are one of the most busiest people I know." Well, I am busy. That's true. But I use my busy-ness as a rationale to act like a slug when I'm not being busy. I could use my time so much more effectively, but I don't. And then I run around in the mornings/before church/before games/before meals/before I teach because I was playing around on the computer or watching my 3,000 episode of Law & Order: Whatever Unit. And all my plans for reading, writing, sewing, exercising, go out the window because "I'm tired" or "I've been running around all day and I just need a break."

8. Did I mention the money thing?? Ugh. And you know, I don't want more money so that I can get something extravagant. I'd like to get some preschool materials that I've been wanting to get FOREVER. And homeschooling books. And bookshelves (and some non-junky bookcases, please???) And new carpet (my 7 year carpet is so embarrassingly filthy, despite being professional cleaned on many occasions) and paint (my living room and hallways still have flat, carpenter beige paint that shows EVERY, and I do mean EVERY fingerprint and smudge from every time any child touched the wall.)

9. I'm tired of being disappointed. I know, I should just suck it up. And honestly, I really expect to be disappointed. I'm an UBER pessimist. But you know, I swear, I'd be willing to try and at least entertain the idea of being more positive, if I didn't have SO MANY EXAMPLES of things uh, not working out I'd planned.

10. I'm tired of having faith and hope. I was taught that if I chose the right, did my best, and just basically was a good person, then I'd be blessed. Maybe not blessed every moment of every day, but blessed. I know my life could be worse, and I know I have do have blessings, but you know what? I've had a whole lot of NOT blessings too. But it feels so, hopeless?, to just assume that things will always be like this. And I hate assuming that.

I really wish that we could move and live in a simple, beautiful, clean, happy house where everyone enjoyed being around each other, and helped each other, and where I felt joy, at least sometimes. A house with land to grow things, and for the kids and I to run around on. And that I swear would be enough. Well, maybe with some of that nicer furniture. And a house that had Diet Pepsi that ran out of the cold faucets, and hot chocolate out of hot. Just Kidding. Mostly. OK, maybe just one sink like that.

6 comments:

Stacey said...

AHHH!! Doesn't it feel GOOD to get it out!! I think almost everyone can relate to several of the things you wrote about. You are NOT LAZY it is called being TIRED!! I do the same thing. I think to myself that I will get all this stuff accomplished once the kids are in bed and all I do is sit in front of the T.V. with the laptop or read. The Duggars have a soda fountain in their house-I am very jealous of that-so I get your Diet Pepsi thing. We are stretched very thin while our kids are young. I feel like all I do is clean up after everyone all day long too. Anyways, certain things just suck and that is all there is to it. But, I love you and appreciate your friendship and this post. Also, you are right-it is YOUR blog and you can say whatever the hell you want.

corn fed girl said...

Rant away my friend. Scream it from your bowels, get it out! It's your blog...you can cry (or scream) if you want too! I wish I had a magic fairy wand to help all my friends...but it's broken right now. But what I can do is take you out to dinner & get you drunk....on Pepsi of course & we can rant at each other.

AFarCryFromNormal said...

Phew! Thanks for ranting about ALL the things I have been holding out to post on MY blog. Now I don't have to be embarressed like you are for not having it 100% together like we all think you do! LOL You KNOW I understand you in MANY ways not only because we are blood related but just cuz! Yes, I believe a night of drinking Pepsi and ranting is in order............. I hear our rich friend CornFed is paying too!! WOOT! She is a RICH girl too! Double WOOT because you KNOW that having money makes EVERYTHING better! LOL Ok, so it does make things ALITTLE better right!! :-)

normal mom said...

I want a hot chocolate sink too!
Can I come to dinner too? I like going out to dinner with you guys. No one orders chicken nuggets.

If you moved out to the country you do realize you would have even more mud and some chicken poop on your lovely cottage's carpet, right? :)
There is always opposition and it's so frustrating. I think it's wonderful you laid all this out on the table. You said a lot of things I feel, but I don't feel free or brave enough to plant it on my blog.
I just went to Metropolis, but you are my new Wonder Woman! Look, you've been a true inspiration to a lot of people with all you've dealt with this last year. Don't sell yourself short. You are an amazing, ambitious, nurturing soul--and as the kids become more independent other paths will open up. It's totally frightening, but you have the skills to make things happen.
Because you are amazing AND you actually do complain and vent you really are Wonder Woman. I love you!

Whacky Wheelers said...

You go girl!!! You have never seen my Living Room! My neighbors have furniture they have had for ten years. I have furniture that looks ten years old and all their kids played on it outside before it came in my house! You will never see the same furniture in my Living Room because as soon as someone wants to get rid of a chair or couch and the price is right . . . free or dirt cheap . . . it goes in my Living Room and an uglier piece of furniture goes out!

Thanks for being brave enough to rant and rave for all of us girls! You are not alone in any of your wants/needs/desires, etc.

We love ya!!

Mary said...

I FEEL so many of these same things! I cry with you on the disappointed paragraph. That is a hard thing and it encompasses everything else. So where are we going for dinner?